You are only as old as the music you listen to, right?

One of the little 13-year-olds I work with at church asked me if I knew who Beyoncé was the other day.

Oh please, child! I've been listening to Beyoncé since before you were born.

I actually answered with something much more polite and leader-talking-to-youth appropriate, but that was what I wanted to say in the moment. Do I really seem that old to these teenagers? I really am not that old. I'm still in my twenties. Barely in my twenties, but it still counts. I am young, people! YOUNG!

Today, however, a Destiny's Child song came up in my morning mix of music and many, many memories of listening to them in high school started popping into my head. Curious, I did the math of how long ago those high school days were and I came to a sad, sad realization: I literally have been listening to Beyoncé since before that poor girl at church was born.

Guys. I might be getting old.

This year is speeding towards my 30th birthday faster than I might like, but the fact is that there isn't a single thing I can do to change it. The best I can hope for is to start counting my birthdays the same way that my mother does: this year won't be my 30th birthday, it is the first anniversary of my 29th birthday.

Luckily, old or not old is all a matter of perspective. I might seem old to a group of 12 and 13 year-olds, but I am sure that to someone else I still seem like a spring chicken. Hey, if anything, if we want to feel young, all we need to do is go find a group of people who have never heard of Beyoncé, right?

Either that, or find strength in numbers. If any of you are feeling old, come on over to my place. My husband works late, so we can all sit around and listen to Destiny's Child together...

Guest Post: Kristi's Five Fantastical Lessons on Life

Today's guest post is by Kristi, Meg's totally awesome sister-in-law. She lives in Texas and is a computer programmer, but she's also an awesome chef, a sci-fi fan, and a mom to a very cute toddler. She and Megan sometimes post recipes on Sisters-in-Long, although not lately (probably Megan's fault for being lazy about taking food pictures). Enjoy! 

I had this fantastic opportunity to stay home with my baby for the first few months of her life, and I loved absolutely every minute. I’ve worked consistently since I was fourteen, so a chance to set my own schedule, have all the laundry clean at the same time, and to take a nap every day was sort of like a home-run for me. Then, suddenly and without warning (pause for dramatic effect), two horrible things happened! I had to return to work AND my child stopped sleeping for 20 hours a day.

As you may imagine, the inevitable happened – gone was the closet of clean laundry, gone were the carefully sculpted meals with coordinating desserts, gone were the (it must be said) naps. Let’s all take a moment of silence for the downfall of my beloved naps. …. Very quickly, I had to learn to adapt to my increased time constraints in order to avoid drowning in my husband’s dirty socks. I’m actually kidding about the dirty socks -he rarely wears socks. The following are five lessons I learned the hard way that are applicable to all of us, regardless of where we are in our lives:

1. Plan to Fail
I know people generally plan in order to succeed, but one day, you’re going to be [sick|cold|tired|busy|bored|angry|sad|hungry|purple|allergic to everything|late|the other kind of late|generally unwilling to keep calm and carry on]. It is going to happen. In these moments of weakness, we tend to blow budgets on conveniences, fall behind on housework, and generally don’t function as we might otherwise. The key is to prepare for these times of need. Do the laundry before you need it. Keep a stack of paper plates and silverware in case of “If I have to do dishes, I will have to start kicking people” moments. Hide chocolate in places no one else in the family will look (like the bottom of a box of feminine products). When you cook, try to think of ways to use leftovers to reduce your kitchen time – our chicken fajita leftovers go into a jar of curry for Indian food the next night. Leftover roasted chicken becomes chicken salad. This tip leads directly into the next:

2. The Freezer is your Best Friend
I know you thought it was that friend you’ve been through hail and high water with, but you are completely wrong. Can your friend have dinner on your table in about fifteen minutes? Probably not. Your freezer, however, is there for you in your time of greatest need. Keep at least two freezer meals on hand, and it will actually be faster than making a run to the nearest fast food place. For my family, it’s frozen turkey meatballs for spaghetti and delicious breakfast sausage for ‘breakfast for dinner’. I don’t plan to make either of these meals, but I know that any given day is going to turn into a nightmare, so it’s good to know that the freezer has my back. Also, ice cream.

3. Nobody cares if your House is Dirty 
And if they do care, you shouldn’t care about them. I’m serious. Take them off the Christmas card list, defriend them on Facebook, and otherwise pretend they don’t exist. Very rarely are all of the rooms in my house clean simultaneously. They get cleaned, yes, but on a rotating schedule. For some people, this is a sign of failure, a sign that the world is ending. To those people, I have this to say: stop. Just stop. Take a deep, relaxing breath, and let go of your 1950’s photo-opportunity home. If it is making you ill to get it, if your children are being ignored in pursuit of magazine cleanliness – let it go. Housework is important, but let’s all be a little more Zen about it. If you are able to successfully juggle all of your commitments AND keep a spotless home, well, shut up – no one likes you anyway and we all talk about you behind your back.

4. Be Honest with Yourself 
I have an ‘Almost No Crafts’ policy. People are sometimes taken aback by this. I’ll go to a church or social function with crafts, and I will often refuse to participate and opt to sit around and chat and do nothing. The reason is simple – if it isn’t a craft I can finish in a short time span, I KNOW I will never finish it. Ever. It will sit in a closet and fill me with guilt and anger and hatred, and I will rue the sight of pom poms and pipe cleaners and reclaimed toilet paper rolls. I derive no joy from the craft itself and frustration from incomplete ones – so I rarely, rarely craft. In so doing, I have freed myself from a needless time suck and sore spot in my life – Pinterest be darned.

We all have things like this in our life. Maybe it’s starting a reorganization project you know you won’t finish, or redoing a bathroom. Perhaps it’s an exercise class you rarely attend, vegetables you buy because they are healthy but you hate, or sending Christmas cards to the people you stopped caring about in Item 3. Be honest – if something isn’t adding value to your life, and more especially if it’s costing money, time, or happy thoughts, let it go. 

5. Opportunity Cost is Still Cost
We all need peace. People who don’t find peace generally end up on the evening news, and not in positive stories. In an accounting class, we learned about opportunity cost – the value/cost you miss out on by doing something else. If you have chocolate cake instead of ice cream, that delicious bowl of frozen goodness was your opportunity cost. If you decide to take a nap instead of going out with your friends, the fun bonding time with your girlfriends was the opportunity cost. Get it?

 If you start looking at your life in terms of opportunity cost, you can become better equipped to make decisions. Yes – that home-cooked kale vegan something or other meal would be healthier for your family than meatballs and spaghetti, but if you’ve had a horrible day or are generally tired, think about the opportunity cost. Kale (which I love btw) or extra time to read stories with your toddler? Maybe the toddler time will add more value to your life. Kale (I really do love it, I’m not lying) or non-relaxing time watching crap on television? Maybe the kale (still loving it) is a better use of your time.

 I can’t tell you what’s more important for yourself, but if you take a minute to think about the opportunity cost of your daily activities, you’ll do a better job of getting some of that much-needed peace and making sure your life is filled with value-added activities.

So, there you have it. Five lessons I learned quickly when life sort of threw me in the blender. When all else fails, just emulate the British and Keep Calm and Carry On. Also, ice cream.

Confessions of an Imperfect (Someday) Mother

Definitely not me. 

I am really excited to be an imperfect mother. Now don't get me wrong: I'm not pregnant and don't plan to be anytime soon, but I'm learning from those around me just the kind of mother I would like to be. I'm realistic. I know I will be a messy parent; I know that kids don't sleep through the night; I know it's tempting to give your child anything and everything that you or they can possibly imagine; I know I won't be able to provide anything and everything we could possibly imagine, and I'm okay with that. My someday kids probably won't have the latest video games, the fanciest Halloween costumes, or perfect birthday parties. They won't be allowed to dye their hair until they can drive themselves to the hairdresser's in their own car and pay for it themselves. And I've already given up on being the overly fashionable mom (helloooo comfy shoes! Why have I denied you for so long?!?). They are going to have to deal with a mom who dresses for comfort when it is cold out (Cuddl Duds, why am I just now discovering your awesomeness?!?) and wears ugly hiking sandals for as long as she can before winter sneaks in.

Why am I so excited about the fact that I'm going to be a flawed figure for my (as of yet nonexistent) children? Because perfect doesn't exist. I'm not saying that I don't have high expectations for myself, because I do. Rather, it is a prioritizing of my self-expectations. For me, bonding time is better than any toy or electronic gadget I could ever give a child. My kids may not always get what they want, but they'll get what they need. By presenting a realistic picture of what it is to be a human, woman, (someday) mother, (someday) wife, daughter, and friend, I'm helping my (someday) children understand how to accept themselves and love themselves not in spite of their imperfections, but because their imperfections are what help make them who they are, and I already know that my (someday) kids are going to be flippin' awesome.

Image used under Creative Commons license.

Rewarding yourself: Moving Edition

When I accepted a new position at the 2nd largest university in the United States, it hadn't quite hit me that we would be moving over 1100 miles. All I could think about was NO MORE WINTER and I GET AN OFFICE WITH A DOOR. I had only a few weeks to prepare for the move. We had to pack, make several trips to Goodwill, find a mover, figure out a new place to live, get boxes, sign papers, freak out, breathe, eat out for days, say goodbye to our small number of friends, freak out, etc...

By coincidence (or God, however you see fit) we were moving to the same town as some of our closest friends from a previous city. They graciously let us stay at their beautiful home while we searched for a place of own.

I blame our hotel-like atmosphere for what followed.

I set my eyes on this lovely 2 bedroom duplex that had been completely redone on the inside. This was the nicest place we have ever lived. It had a driveway! And a dishwasher!

The next day we signed a lease and I instantly wanted to paint the walls. Then we needed rugs to cover the nice tile. Then we needed a new comforter to match our new walls. Then we needed some mirrors to hang in the front room. Then we needed a whole set of stuff for the guest bathroom.

A little past our renting budget, and two credit cards later, I realized that no one would even see our place for months. I wouldn't even get a paycheck for 4 weeks. My husband was jobless.

Fast forward to 4 weeks later. My husband is still jobless. That paycheck is gone. Six people have seen our place and zero of them have seen that new shower curtain or comforter. We still have the same couch and chair we've always had that my husband found a Goodwill before we were married. We came home to a floor covered in broken glass from the mirrors everyday for a week.

Did we really need two new rugs that cost more than one of my loan payments?

I realize that I felt the need to reward myself for working so hard toward this new position. Endless cover letters, 8-hour interviews, and countless rejections had taken their toll.

Next time, I think I'll just get myself 2 cartons of ice cream and call it a day.

The Beauty of Yes, the Beauty of No, and the Beauty of Knowing Yourself

We've all fallen into the trap of saying yes too often. Maybe it was volunteering for an event or project; maybe it was giving up the only free couple of hours you've had in weeks to help a friend move; maybe it was thinking you could get that book club book read before next month's meeting only to realize that your eyelids have a strange magnetic pull downward every time you crack open the pages and you find yourself an hour later with the only visible progress you can track being the line of drool that crept down your face and onto the pages as you wake up with morning breath… Overcommitment. It gets the best of us sometimes. Sometimes saying yes can be a wonderful growing process and incredibly rewarding. Nothing teaches you just what you're capable of like jumping into it, whatever it may be. Sometimes, however, it can be a trap, and that's when you learn what you want to be capable of.

Okay, really, it's about knowing yourself and knowing your priorities. 

I'm not saying I don't stay late at work, and I'm not saying I don't take on new projects or responsibilities, and I really do love helping my friends if they're moving or need a spare freezer meal, a dog sitter (I'm SO in!), or just need a friend to walk and talk with.  What I am saying is: now I'm starting to better prioritize my time and I work hard to remember that I need to be healthy and happy in order to do anything well. As a bonus, I've found this helps me more fully enjoy those things I do take on. 

Here's a little secret: sometimes I actually enjoy saying no. 

• I enjoy saying no when I know whoever I would have been working with is less invested in doing a quality job than I would be even though it's their idea or project. 
• I enjoy saying no when I know it won't be something I like doing (but I do things I don’t like doing when I know it will help someone I care about or when I know it will help me grow as a person). 
• I enjoy saying no when I know those I would be working with are disorganized or flakey (it's just not worth it). 
• And I enjoy saying no when I know that if I had said yes I wouldn't have time to do laundry that week and would be stuck wearing the underwear that I always keep at the back of the drawer (you know, the really uncomfortable ones...or worse, the ones with holes...yeah, I went there) and that wonky bra with the uncomfortable underwire.

How have you gotten over your need to always say yes? What have you found to be more rewarding since you started prioritizing wellness (quality) over hecticness (quantity)? 

It's Okay to not Like Absolutely Everyone*

Growing up in a small town, everyone knows everyone. The people you know in daycare (before you even hit preschool) are the people you graduate with, and then you go off into the world for awhile. But before that, when you're growing up, your friends are those around you. When I was little there were a few rules regarding friends. I know there's a much longer list, but a couple that stand out now are:

• Everyone in your class gets a Valentine; everyone.
• If you were going to have a birthday party you had to invite all of the girls in your class (there was also that rule that you had to have your room clean in order to have anyone over, let alone have a party. Needless to say, I very rarely had friends over because my room was very rarely clean...if ever...)

I must have cleaned my room at least once in my childhood... 

As a kid, these rules were great and wonderfully inclusive, and I appreciate my parents having these types of rules. It's never fun to be left out, and it is so important to show kindness to all. Having worked as an educator in the public schools, I only appreciate this further. Having said that, now as an adult, I'm working on being okay with not having to like everyone.

Let me clarify. I like people. People are awesome. Everyone really does bring something special to this world, and I appreciate that. As I grow into myself, I have realized that I don't necessarily need to be everyone's best friend. In fact, I don't need to be everyone's acquaintance. There are some people whose personalities click and friendship comes easily. There are some whose personalities don't click but somehow the friendship still works. And there are some people who are just not meant to be friends, and that's okay.

It's okay to not like absolutely everyone you meet.*

In my life, both professionally and personally, I encounter a wide range of people. The older I get (and maybe this is the Matlock-and-Antiques-Roadshow-watching, I'm-too-old-for-this 80-year-old coming out in me) the more I find myself thinking “I don't think I'd like being friends with them.” Now, this thought isn't mean, or rude. It's just more self-aware. I am more conscious about bringing positive people into my life because it's the positive people who inspire me. It's the positive people who encourage me. It's the positive people who make me want to be a better person.

*Now, having said all of this, I hope you can read between the lines and know that just because I am aware that I don't necessarily like someone or want to be friends with someone it doesn't mean I am promoting being mean, rude, or inconsiderate. Like I said before, I really do believe everyone brings something special to this world, and everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect. It's also important to remember to respect yourself by letting the right kinds of people into your life. I want to spend my time, which is really my most valuable resource, with people who are positive, and I want to be that person for others.

Is this something you've struggled with? How have you found your friendship balance?