Destination: Beautiful

I spent last week at my grandparents' house visiting with them and cleaning whatever I could get my hands on. Three days were dedicated to the kitchen and during those three cleaning days, I watched whatever marathon happened to be on at the time. Lucky for me, one of those days brought me a What Not to Wear marathon (Megan, Miri and I are all equally in love with this show and I'm pretty sure we could talk about it with regard to specific episodes and people if it came down to it).

On one particular episode, I found myself holding back tears several times. There was this beautiful woman, successful, married, mother of a little girl, who could not believe she was pretty. Now, if you watch this show, you'll know this isn't necessarily out of the ordinary. A lot of the women on that show dress the way they do because of one insecurity or another. But when Stacy and Clinton asked this woman when the last time she felt beautiful was, she couldn't answer them. She just stood there thinking and not saying anything.

And I stood in my grandparents' kitchen, with my hands covered in soap suds, trying not to cry like a little baby. It broke my heart to think that she couldn't think of one single time when she felt beautiful. Think of it. Even when you only consider the "big" moments she had in her life- wedding, graduation, prom, etc.- she couldn't even default to that. She drew a complete blank.

It made me realize that no matter how unhappy I am with how I look, there are always times to look back on where I truly felt beautiful. Incidentally, prom is not included in that list. My fake college prom, however, is.

(See that guy there? With his arm around my shoulder? Yeah. Maybe that was the first and last time we ever met each other. But we went to a free college prom and I got roses so go me!)

It made me realize that there are other people who feel this way. This isn't a new revelation, I promise, but it is something that I was reminded of. It also reminded me of the challenge Miri talked about when we first started this blog. Look in the mirror and be happy with who you are. Tell yourself you are beautiful, do it long enough, and you will start to believe it and you will start to feel it. If no one else is saying it to you, say it to yourself.

Little Wonders

If you think about it, gas isn't really the kind of thing that we routinely feel grateful for. We're all thankful for our cars (especially if we've recently had the experience of being without one). But we--or at least I--don't think about the gas much. Not so anymore.

Mike lost his job last summer, and our finances have been total hell since then. He got a new job at Walmart toward the end of the summer, but it pays significantly less than the other job had, and basically we no longer make enough to even pay all our bills, much less buy things like food and gas. So for about a week now, we have been driving the car on fumes. More than once, we scrounged up all the change we could find, and used it to put one gallon in the car--just enough for Mike to get to school. We maxed out our last credit card for the two dollars' available balance, to get one gallon of gas (actually a little less) so we could get to work. But Mike got paid this weekend, and for the first time in two weeks we are driving on a full tank of gas.

It is wonderful. You can feel the difference in the way the car drives--it responds better, the driving is smoother. And you can feel a difference in the lack of panic brought on by watching the gas light and wondering how long it's been on, and how long you have before you run out. So I have learned to be grateful for gas, and for having enough money to fill up the tank. It's a small thing that makes a pretty big difference in my life, and having small things to be grateful for makes my life just that much lovelier.

Saturday Snapshots

Hope everyone in the storm is safe and warm!

Be Kind

The other night I was talking to a friend about fun, gossipy, drama-filled things, and I got a little carried away. I suddenly realized after one of my friend's responses that I had been saying things about people that I really liked that I didn't really mean or want to say about them, just because I was enjoying the thrill of the drama. I felt stupid and humbled and wished I could take back what I said and replace it with only the good things I see in these people.


That was when I started thinking about this song by David Wilcox. Dave tends to get a little cheesy sometimes, but in spite of it, he always feels very sincere and true to me. (I think the word that could best be applied to his music is "earnest.") Anyway, he has a song called "Kindness" (see a live performance on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSlMAdFe4BY) that I've always kind of liked, either despite or because of this earnestness. Here are a couple of stanzas:

I love your sense of humor

I love to see you smile

I love your sense of balance

I love your sense of time

I love your music in the morning

Your rhythm in the night

But it's your kindness

That shines so bright . . .

Yes I love your wisdom

Your knowledge of the past

Your willingness to listen

And taste for what will last

Your compassion for the suffering

And your solid happiness

But it's your kindness that I love best

I think the thing I love about this is the way it goes through so many qualities that I love - in others, in myself - and then tops them all with kindness and compassion. Is there any better testament to what makes you lovely than that? Yes, your sense of humor, your intelligence, your education, your wisdom and all of those things you love make you lovely, but it's kindness that makes the biggest impact on the people around you.

Guest Post: Give Me Something To Sing About

Heidi has written for us before. I've already mentioned how awesome she is, but apparently she has a sister who is just as awesome! This news doesn't surprise me at all.

You know when you're driving, or cleaning, or cooking, or chatting away with friends and you have your favorite playlist going, the one where you know every word to every song? And you sing along the whole time and rock out a bit (or a lot) and you feel free and full of power? Yeah, I love that too. It makes me feel awesome!

My kid sister, Staci, and I work for the same employer. We were blessed for a long time to share an office together, where we'd shut the office door and sing our hearts out while working, because it makes us feel wonderful and strong.

Well... things had to change for one reason or another (and no, not because we sang too much) and we had to split offices. I got put in an office with a marketing guy and Staci went to a reception desk in the middle of everything.

My work life changed drastically after that. I stopped singing and I had a hard time for a while finding that joy of coming to work... I mean it's just awkward for a married girl to sing her heart out with a single marketing guy in the office, not to mention when you're having a rough day and need a sister like person to sympathize with you. Life at work for me became just... work.

This setup has been such for roughly three months. I've grown accustomed to not singing and I don't feel so out of place anymore (also, a pleasant side note--my husband works with us now, and the three of us have fun visiting each other and eating lunch together). But it still took me until yesterday to learn something very important: Sing anyway.

So yesterday I'm working away *type type type*, and I hear my sister's beautiful voice through the halls. And I realize... for three months my sister's been sitting at a makeshift desk in the middle of the hallway near the soda machine, where everyone walks back and forth and to and fro right past her for millions of reasons; she has no office, no privacy and no doors to shut so she can sing to her favorite songs. And all this time, she's been singing still.

My sister Staci is fearless. She sings boldly, because it makes her feel powerful. This is a quote from her as to why she sings where everyone can hear her: "I sing because I don’t care that anyone is around. If my employer wants to move me to the middle of the company then it's not gonna stop me from doing things I would normally do alone. And singing brings certain emotions to the surface where you just can’t help but release your inner self and sing your soul out! Kinda like therapy… eh?"

So if you love to *sing at work, or dance in the halls, or skip instead of walk, or strike up conversations with random people, or stop to help someone struggling a bit, or just smile a lot, or whistle, or eat fruit snacks during church, or make eye contact with people you pass at school, or talk to yourself, EVEN if it may be breaking the norm, do it anyway! And feel that light-as-air feeling in your gut, that smile that rushes to your face uncontrollably, that desire to be friends with everyone in the world. Yeah, that feeling. I love it, and I'm glad my sister reminded me that I can do what makes me feel that way anyway.


*Assuming none of this will get you in trouble with employers, church facilities, etc... :)

Sandra’s seen a leprechaun,
Eddie touched a troll,
Laurie danced with witches once,
Charlie found some goblins gold.
Donald heard a mermaid sing,
Susy spied an elf,
But all the magic I have known
I've had to make myself.

--Shel Silverstein
Where the Sidewalk Ends

Live right now; just be yourself/ It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.

When I meet someone new, or get in touch with someone I haven't talked to since childhood, I find myself trying to get a sense for what kind of person that person will like, then trying to fit myself into that mold. It isn't a conscious decision, just my natural subconscious approach to conversation; I do it with people I already know well, too, only it isn't so obvious because that's how I'm used to interacting with them. When I sit in front of the computer trying to write a comment on someone's Facebook wall, I delete and rewrite again and again, analyzing everything to pieces and trying to anticipate how the person will react to every word.

It takes more courage than I currently have, but I am trying to learn that I don't have to use a fake personality for every person in my life. I don't have to hide my real thoughts and feelings from people. I don't need to pretend to feel the same way they do about everything; I shouldn't try to make them see me only from a certain angle, or be afraid that if they see the other angles, they won't like me anymore. If people don't like me the way I really am, then there isn't much sense in associating with them. It's okay if every person I meet doesn't love me. They can take me or leave me, and I'll be okay; the important thing is to just be comfortable with myself.

Saturday Snapshots

Never forget to take time to be silly.

Happy Moments

I was browsing my blogs and came across this lovely post from Abbey Goes Design Scouting. It refers to this essay from Cooks Illustrated* called The Bliss List. The author makes a list of happiest moments.

I love this idea, especially on those down days. What better way to get a lift than to think back to your happiest moments? So here are a few of mine.

• Christmas at my grandparents' house growing up. Everyone was there. Every couch, cot and bed was full. There was always a fire in the fireplace. There were three Christmas trees decorated for the holiday and a wreath on the front door filled with Tootsie Roll Pops.

• I spent a summer living with my sister in northern Virginia in a tiny basement apartment. There was one room (I slept on the couch) and half a kitchen. It was awesome. One night in particular, my mom met us for dinner then came back to the apartment with us. She ended up staying the night (she slept on the arm chair) because we got drawn into a viewing of You've Got Mail. Nothing exciting happened, but it was just the three of us and I always love when it's just the three of us. Also, my mom started indirectly quoting The Godfather, which is amazing.

• The wedding of my two friends, Jamie and Mike. The day was beautiful, we ate Subway and played Pictionary between the ceremony and the reception, and we danced till they kicked us out of the reception hall.

• Becoming an aunt. Times six.

• Playing Charades with Corynn. Her velociraptor impression makes me laugh just thinking about it.

• Oddly enough, hanging out in a hammock on a porch by the water during someone else's vacation. I was there to nanny but I had an allergic reaction so I couldn't take the kids to the beach. While they were gone, I had free time. I spent all of it reading in that hammock and it was divine. Heaven on earth.

There are a few of my happiest memories. What are yours?



*For those who might have trouble with our links: http://www.cooksillustrated.com/byissue/default.asp?doctypeid=12&selDate=153 and http://gogoabigail.com/blog/2010/01/19/daily-dose-of-green-29/

Way to go, Coco!

A friend shared this post with me regarding Conan O'Brien's closing remarks on his last night on The Tonight Show. It is definitely worth a listen. He is so positive and honest about the entire situation. But the last bit is the part that really matters (and is also the bit the original post talks about). He says:

Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it's my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you are kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you, amazing things will happen.

Conan could have said anything on his last show and he made the choice to speak optimistic and kind words. It's a great example and his words are true. Working hard and respecting and helping the people around you will always get you where you need to be. It may not be where you thought you wanted to be, but it will be good.




http://www.hulu.com/watch/122708/the-tonight-show-with-conan-obrien-conans-final-thoughts#s-p1-sr-i1