Like Brushstrokes in a Portrait

I have a propensity to set large and elaborate goals for myself. Currently, I’m working on a list: 30 before 30. Which is exactly what it sounds like, 30 goals to accomplish before my 30th birthday, two and a half years from now. 

In the past, most, if not all of the goals I have set are forgotten within weeks. I look through journals I wrote in high school, all filled with unfulfilled albeit worthy aspirations.  Had I stuck with every goal I’d ever set out to fulfill, by now I would probably be a bilingual journalist, living in a foreign country running marathons. I would know magic, be filled with historical knowledge, dabbling in paleontology, and occasionally I’d be seen on stage. Sounds impressive right? As it so happens that is not an accurate description of my life. I got so caught up in the failure of my attempts, or the effort it took to achieve my lofty goals, that I would give up entirely. Lets face it, its just easier not to try. 

In the past year or so, I've noticed a change occurring. Most of the goals I now set are achieved. Most likely this change has occurred because of age and maturity. I also have a new attitude and perspective.  What I've learned that makes the most difference is: Be patient with yourself, and enjoy the journey. 

About four and a half years ago, fueled with good intentions I decided I would run a grand, full scale marathon. This was a pretty lofty goal, considering I'd never run a mile in my life. Not even when it was required of me for a grade at school. One day, for whatever reason I decided I was a marathoner. I put on some running shoes and ran out the door. Boy I was tired. I finished quickly (I don't know if I made it down the street) and came back home. I tried again a few days later. Maybe this isn’t what I really wanted. After a few weeks, my short lived desire to run a marathon was abandoned.

Flash forward to one and a half children later. My second pregnancy pushed my body to the limit. I determined somewhere around month 7 that if I ever made it to delivery, I would become a runner. I would actually start to appreciate my body for all it could do. If I could create a human being, I could certainly run. This time I decided to make a plan. I dedicated time, I gained knowledge, and when my baby was born, I began working on my goal. Things were slow at first. I started using the couch to 5k program. One of my friends began running with me. Four months after I began running, I ran my first 5k in 26 minutes.  I actually enjoyed running once I decided that I didn't need to be an elite runner the second I decided to lace up my shoes.

Right before my first 5k

Eventually I increased my mileage and last November, I completed my first half marathon. It was a full year from the time I started the couch to 5k to the half. The feeling of accomplishment was much greater than if it had been an easy undertaking. I found joy in the work, in the failure, in the try. I learned that my body can do hard things, my running partner became one of my closest friends, I learned to push myself to the limit, I learned that I can literally talk myself into enduring the run long after I assumed my body would give out. I keep going.

 David A. Bednar describes our efforts in life like a painting. Close up, the brush strokes don’t always makes sense, but as you step back and look at the painting as a whole, you can see how each stroke you make contributes to the portrait of our soul.

Each time I made the effort to put on my shoes and hit the pavement  my confidance grew, as well as my strenght and endurance. Becoming consistant, changing my habits little by little changed my perspective and my ability. This is true of any skill we hope to develop, whether its mastering a language, perfecting a craft, or just adjusting our character. 

Be patient with yourself. Each time you try, you put paint on your canvas.  When all is said and done, step back and look at the completed portrait of who you have become. Everything worth accomplishing is worth the time, effort, and fail. 

L.O.V.E.L.Y.

What does being lovely mean to me?

L- Being Likable. There are some people that are so friendly and kind that you like they automatically when you meet them. Be that person!
O- Being Open and Optimistic. Keep yourself open to new experiences and new friends. Be optimistic that life is generally good.
V- Knowing the true Value of yourself and others. We devalue ourselves and other so often with excuses and criticisms. You are worth every pound you weigh! Show yourself and others the true value of each person.
E- Having Empathy. Give others a break. We've all been there before and we know it's hard, so cut others (and yourself) some slack for when they aren't at their best.
L- Laughter. Learn to laugh at yourself and to laugh with others. Laughter is great medicine and kind brighten any day.
Y- Being Young in heart. It doesn't matter how old you are on the outside, but how old you are on the inside. Many people in their eighties say they are really a twenty year old soul stuck in an eighty year old body. Children are great examples- they are care free, happy, love to play and have fun, and they love people unconditionally. We should be child-like and young in heart, and lovely.

Coping Mechanisms

So . . . my life is crazy right now (but only for 4 more weeks!) I'm planning my Utah wedding to my Texas-dwelling fiance from my apartment in Indiana while working three jobs and finishing the last semester of my Master's degree. I mentioned in my last post that I may have had one or two breakdowns. This week, I want to address my recently developed anti-breakdown coping mechanisms. I developed a plan for myself this week, and it was  . . . surprisingly effective.

Let me say first, that normally, I am not prone to this awesome breakdown-filled lifestyle. I am prone to stress, though, and when I have multiple things to be stressed about, it builds up to epic proportions that sometimes result in some wonderful meltdowns about really important things like the Netflix queue. Think of these as preventative emergency coping mechanisms. :)

1. Identify what causes you to get worked up. What sorts of things are upsetting or stressful to you? How do they get blown out of proportion? If it's something solvable, make a plan to solve it. If you can't do anything about it, decide how you will deal with that too. (For instance, all semester, I've stressed quite a bit about moving to Texas, and people ALWAYS want to talk to me about it. I know it will be fine when I get there, but when I talk about it, I think about plenty of reasons why it might not be. I've finally started saying, "You know, I appreciate your excitement, but I can't think about this right now. Can we talk about something else?" That way, I avoid telling them about all of my fears - and dredging them up again for myself.) I spent this week shutting down internal and external conversations about the things I couldn't do anything about yet, and making concrete plans to successfully deal with the things that can be done now. 
2. Identify what makes you feel better. I actually made a physical list last week of what makes me feel better when I'm upset. (Getting up for a drink of water. Going for a walk or a drive. Watching Pushing Daisies or Buffy or Doctor Who. Flirting with my fiance over Skype. Eating Oreos.) If I have a list of options in place, I know exactly what I should do when I feel myself starting to get upset, and I don't have to figure it out when my judgment is clouded by an overabundance of stress adrenaline.
3. Tell someone calming about your stress and your plan to cope with it. Figure out whether there are ways this person can help you to stop the impending overload before it comes to tears. Having someone to talk your stress level down over ice cream is invaluable. 

You, too, can cope with your stress, whether it's finals or holidays or children or whatever other curveballs life throws at you. A little planning goes a long way.

Image source: http://www.wolfescape.com/Humour/WorkStress.htm

Keep Calm

I love this print. I'm know it's fairly popular and a lot of people love it, but I wanted to post it here anyway. I have a little red journal I carry in my purse with this print on the front. I keep it with me so I always have a place to write down thoughts for this blog because this blog is one of those things that reminds me to "keep calm and carry on."

Listen to Your Own Advice

Maybe you've noticed I've been preoccupied with change this week. I thought it was because there are some changes being made to this blog very soon (all very good changes, don't worry), but today I learned differently.

I have a difficult choice to make. I got a job offer. I wasn't surprised by the offer so much as the timing and my gut reaction to the offer. So now I have to decide what to do and it, quite frankly, scares the crap out of me. And yet I've been blogging to you this week about change. How change is good "if it is in the right direction." Not two days ago, I wrote this:

Personally, I really make an effort to be a more positive person and it's a tough thing. But, when all else fails, I look at the problem or the approaching change or even the lack of change when I know one is sorely needed and I tell myself that it's temporary. My entire life will not be defined by the events that happened during my 15th year or my 26th year. Change can be hard, but with the right attitude, it doesn't have to be.

I am not retracting anything I've said, just pointing out that things can change, usually when you don't expect them to and it is so very hard to remember your own advice. I knew I needed a change, I have even been hoping for an opportunity just like this one that has presented itself, and I'm still struggling. Shouldn't it be easy to accept the things I've been trying to attain? This should be the easiest decision ever, but it means that so many parts of my life will change. It's scary. I guess all I can do is try to make the choice that I think will make me happiest and hope that choice is taking me in the right direction.

So, trust yourselves, Lovely Readers. Listen to the advice you give others and maybe check to make sure it's not something you need to hear for yourself. Give yourself the credit you deserve and maybe I'll try to start doing the same thing.

Facebook Wisdom

I have a friend whose Facebook profile sports this text in the "About Me" section.

Wouldn't this old world be a better place if the folks we meet would say,"I know something good about you!" and then treat us just that way? Wouldn't it be nice to practice this way of thinking? "You know something good about me, I know something good about you."

What a surprisingly sweet sentiment, I thought when I saw it. This blog ever in mind, I googled it to find out where it came from, and I got nothing--which leads me to believe that it's my friend's own wonderful brain that came up with such a lovely thought. Wouldn't it be nice if that's how we approached every person in our lives? Imagine the way your interactions would change if the first thing you thought about a person was something good about them.

Whether it's someone you're meeting for the first time or someone who's been around for years, you can acknowledge something good about a person. If nothing else, it might simply be the fact that this person is another human being slogging through the same messy world that you're trying to get through. So instead of jumping to the first available negative conclusion, let's assume something nice about people. We might be wrong, but it won't matter.

Just a Friendly Reminder

(Get it here. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=42144422)

Way to go, Coco!

A friend shared this post with me regarding Conan O'Brien's closing remarks on his last night on The Tonight Show. It is definitely worth a listen. He is so positive and honest about the entire situation. But the last bit is the part that really matters (and is also the bit the original post talks about). He says:

Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it's my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you are kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you, amazing things will happen.

Conan could have said anything on his last show and he made the choice to speak optimistic and kind words. It's a great example and his words are true. Working hard and respecting and helping the people around you will always get you where you need to be. It may not be where you thought you wanted to be, but it will be good.




http://www.hulu.com/watch/122708/the-tonight-show-with-conan-obrien-conans-final-thoughts#s-p1-sr-i1

Guest Post: Waiting With a Smile

Jennie was our roommate. Well, maybe Lindsey never really lived in the same apartment, but she might as well have. Jennie is an amazing person, a dedicated teacher, a devoted wife and a very caring friend. She also makes awesome cakes that look and taste delish. We love our Jennie!


Why are we always looking for more when what we have always wanted is staring us in the face?

In October, my husband and I decided to stop preventing pregnancy. I have always known that conceiving a child would not be easy since I have a family history full of infertility and many symptoms of a condition known as PCOS, but I still hoped it would come right away. After hearing about a neighbor becoming pregnant and getting a call from my sister to announce she had an adorable new nephew, I was feeling rather down. I was starting to wonder why it is so hard for me to get what I want! As I was driving home feeling sorry for myself, I was struck with the realization that I have the most amazing family already and I will get a baby when God wants me to have one.

I spent a great deal of my four years at college wanting a husband and a teaching job. Although I tried to focus on having fun with what I was doing at the time, I still wasted too much time waiting for the future. Now that I have an amazing husband who loves me and a wonderful job (the exact thing I was waiting for two years ago) I certainly don’t want to waste my time waiting for tomorrow.

So here is my advice to others and mostly myself: No matter where you are in life - be happy. I can’t think of a time (whether you are a single adult waiting for your knight in shining armor and dream job or a mother of three just waiting for your kids to make it to all-day school) where there isn’t something to be happy about and a million things to learn.