Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Things I Think to Myself or (who am I kidding) Say Aloud to Myself Because I Live Alone That’s What People Who Live Alone Do

On this list:

  • You have got to be kidding me.
  • There’s no way that is normal or natural.
  • Where’s the thing with the things?
  • (Said with disgust) Oh I HATE it when you freeze up!
  • There are so many emails and I hate them all.
  • I just want to wear sweatpants all day. When will these count as business casual?
  • Why am I always cold and why am I too stubborn to turn the heat up? 
  • Could you BE driving any slower? (Channeling my inner Chandler Bing.) 
  • Is it supposed to be that color? I don’t think it’s supposed to be that color...
  • (Very audible sighs and grunts while getting up and down and lifting things, all unnecessary.)  
  • Why is my purse so heavy? Oh, pants. Huh. (Pulls pants out of purse--yes, really.)
  • These are magic socks. (Yes, socks do have an impact on happiness levels.)
  • I could fix a real dinner, or I could snack on these candy canes all evening instead…
    Candy canes it is. 
  • Uffda!
  • I can’t be the only one who reads mail in the bathroom. 
  • What day is it today? (Every day.)

And so many more that just sound normal to me, but I sure no other human would think the same...

What are some things you catch yourself saying without even realizing it?

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