Things I Think to Myself or (who am I kidding) Say Aloud to Myself Because I Live Alone That’s What People Who Live Alone Do

On this list:

• You have got to be kidding me.
• There’s no way that is normal or natural.
• Where’s the thing with the things?
• (Said with disgust) Oh I HATE it when you freeze up!
• There are so many emails and I hate them all.
• I just want to wear sweatpants all day. When will these count as business casual?
• Why am I always cold and why am I too stubborn to turn the heat up? 
• Could you BE driving any slower? (Channeling my inner Chandler Bing.) 
• Is it supposed to be that color? I don’t think it’s supposed to be that color...
• (Very audible sighs and grunts while getting up and down and lifting things, all unnecessary.)  
• Why is my purse so heavy? Oh, pants. Huh. (Pulls pants out of purse--yes, really.)
• These are magic socks. (Yes, socks do have an impact on happiness levels.)
• I could fix a real dinner, or I could snack on these candy canes all evening instead…
  Candy canes it is. 
• Uffda!
• I can’t be the only one who reads mail in the bathroom. 
• What day is it today? (Every day.)

And so many more that just sound normal to me, but I sure no other human would think the same...

What are some things you catch yourself saying without even realizing it?