Monday, July 7, 2014

The Worst Movies Ever

These are my personal opinions about the worst movies ever made, some of you might not agree, some of you might love these movies, some of you may be shocked that I dare insult these movies, some of you may grow to hate me, some of you might try to track down my home address to send me hate mail, but that's a risk I'm willing to take. And if by the end of the post if you still like me- you should know that I also hate girl scout cookies, that should do it.

1. Anchorman 2

Perhaps it's that comedies should never have sequels. Perhaps it's that the first movie set expectations so high. Perhaps it's that this movie is peppered with witty screen writers. Perhaps it's the promising plot line of the downfall of news integrity. There are many reasons this movie was the biggest disappointment since Star Wars The Phantom Menace.

2. The Host

When I was in the throes of newborn months I got the opportunity to go see a movie by myself- a rare and precious gift! Unfortunately I went to see The Host. I would have rather stayed home and cleaned up diaper blowouts.

3. [Insert Nicholas Cage Movie of Your Choice Here]

A philosophical question more complex than the chicken and the egg- is a movie bad because it has Nicholas Cage in it? Or does Nicholas Cage join movies that are already bad?

4. Taken 2

The good news is that there won't be a Taken 3 because Liam Neeson has now shot every person in Europe. Unless of course they journey to Australia or something but hopefully that family is officially over traveling.

5. Transformers 1-4 (5? 6?)

I've lost track of how many of these terrible movies have been made. Haven't we been through enough at this point? The Transformers recipe for success: bad acting - bad dialogue - bad plot + violence + robots + one skinny objectified woman = the worst movies ever.

6. Repo Men

This is a lesser known movie which some of you probably haven't seen but if someone rents this at a party let me save you some grief. After watching Forrest Whittaker become Idi Amin in The Last King of Scotland* I was automatically sold on whatever movie he was in. Plus it had an interesting plot premise, a dystopian future where private companies sell organs to people on credit and must be repossed if the individual is not making payments. But like many movies before, it was a huge failure of little dialogue and unrealistic over-the-top violence like killing someone with a box cutter.

*On seeing the movie poster and an extremely vague preview for The Last King of Scotland I decided it was a movie about a mentally handicapped Scottish person (Forrest Whittaker) and assumed it was one of those feel-good, person with a disability accomplishes amazing things movie so I dragged my mom with me to see it. I was pretty scarred when I then watched a grisly account of genocide in Uganda and Idi Amin (Forrest Whittaker) hang someone up with meat hooks.

What's on your worst movie list? 


Lin said...

So, I'm kind of okay with you hating whatever movie you want to hate, but hating Girl Scout cookies?! I don't know if I can get past that. ;)

P & J said...

They're not even cookies Lin, they taste like dog biscuits.

Melissa said...

What!? Now you don't like dog biscuits?