Thursday, October 31, 2013

This is Halloween: Truths Learned from Spooky Shows

If you couldn't tell already, we kind of love Halloween around here.  Except for Rayla, but she puts up with us.

We wanted to follow up our inaugural truths learned post with something seasonally appropriate, so here's a little something from all of us.

1.  Choose your costume wisely.  No show demonstrates this more clearly than It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.  Whether you buy a costume or make one, do it right. Other wise you end up walking around in a swiss cheese inspired bed sheet and come home with a bag full of rocks.

2. Just stay out of the dang water. Jaws and Psycho both teach us in no uncertain terms that water is just a terrible idea. The ocean is terrifying, but even the freaking shower isn't safe. Take a sponge bath or something. It's not worth it.

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3. You aren't Santa Clause. You will never be Santa Clause. Keep your bats to yourself. Nightmare Before Christmas is a cautionary tale that warns us all that if you're going to follow your dreams, just leave the big guy alone.

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4. Don't light that candle!! Seriously. Just don't do it. I don't care how cute the girl is that you are trying to impress, how much you want to punish your parents for moving you across the country in the middle of high school, or how badly you want to hear Bette Midler sing. Learn from Max and all the misguided younglings in Hocus Pocus and let's all stay away from candles this Halloween, eh?

5. Choose your costume wisely.  Did we mention that yet? Well, it really is important. In reality, a poorly chosen costume will leave you open for discomfort and possible ridicule.  However, this fantastic episode from season 2 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer ("Halloween," which you can watch on Netflix and Hulu), presents yet another reason to choose your costume wisely.  Should you accidentally purchase an enchanted costume that takes over your persona and turns you into an actual 18th century gal/military man/promiscuous ghost, maybe don't choose to be one of those things, because they are all crazy.  Or maybe, when you live on a hellmouth, you should always buy your costumes from Amazon.

6. Stay away from fog. When Paige moved to the pacific northwest she was very disheartened to discover just how much fog there is there. There are now exponentially more opportunities for her to be murdered. Angry pirate ghosts, chainsaw-weilding serial killers, pretty much all unpleasant things just stay inside and play tiddliwinks- until there's fog, and that's when they come kill you.

7. Never purchase an old house. There is always a dead orphan girl living inside. No exceptions. Maybe she's seeking revenge for her unjust murder, maybe she's unhappy with the tile choice you made in the kitchen, but mark my words she is there and she will haunt you. And if there's not a dead orphan girl living inside... it's because there are two.

8. The backseat of your car is a hot-bed for criminal activity. Forget about alleyways, abandoned buildings and bad neighborhoods, what you should really be worried about is the backseat of your minivan. Maybe these guys are after stale goldfish crackers or maybe they collect ice scrapers, whatever the reason, they are professional backseat lurkers. And it doesn't matter if your car has been locked all night or tucked safely in your garage, you must always check the backseat.

We hope these tips help you stay safe tonight! Happy Halloween! 

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