Friday, October 9, 2009

Guest Post: Judge and Jury

Today we welcome another guest blogger, Lindsey's oh so lovely sister, Lauren.
Lauren recently moved to West Virginia, where she is learning to be brave in the battle against all the new and interesting insects that invade her house. She has a husband who writes poetry and washes dishes (among other things), a sister who thinks the world of her, and two handsome little boys who love her more than Thomas the Tank Engine (and believe me, that is a lot).

A few weeks ago, in the midst of a conversation, my boss said to me, "you are really distracted." The comment came as I was having a hard time completing a sentence; the words seemed right there, but still somehow eluded me. The conversation was taking place in the middle of a whirlwind move, a teething toddler, a tonsillectomy for my 3 year old, buying our first home and still working at least 20 hours a week outside of my responsibilities to my family. I was overwhelmed with trying to hold it all together, put my best foot forward in a new environment and keep things as "normal" as possible for my children. There wasn't time to think, much less be thoughtful about anything.

Now that we've been in our house for over a month and things are slowly getting unpacked, there's time. Time to think about the last few months. Sometimes I spend that time wondering why in the world I packed something that could have easily been thrown away. Other times I think about snippets of conversations that hadn't registered when they happened, like the one with my boss. On a good day, I realize that I'm being too hard on myself. (Did you see that list up there?) On a bad day, I wonder why I couldn't do it all and do it well (read: perfect). Most women are like this--we spend too much time being our own judge and jury, convicting ourselves of crimes no one else can see. We should be taking that time to understand we are not perfect, we are learning. And we are better women for it.

I am a wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend. I speak five languages (English, German, Portuguese, "Little Man" and "Bug"). I try diligently to live the gospel of Jesus Christ. I work hard to teach my children to make good choices and to enjoy who they are. I try to keep a house that feels like a home, and sometimes that means it is a cluttered mess. I work hard to raise money for a local non-profit and to teach my children to be involved in their community. Sometimes all of these things leave me a bit distracted, but they are also helping me become the woman I want to be.


Heidi Marie said...

it's hard not to be so tough on yourself. How many times does my mom tell me I'm my worst critique? (a bajillion!). So thanks for this perspective! Maybe I sometimes gotta remember and see all the things I AM doing huh? Not just the things I'm lacking?

Heidi said...

I love you, Lizzie! I wish we were next door neighbors so that we could call and say, "....Yeah" and know that that meant we needed reinforcement...stat. And by reinforcement I mean babysitting AND Chocolate Zuccato cake. :) Mwah!

Contolled Chaos said...

Amen Sister and by the way you are an awesome Mom and woman!

Amy said...

Great reminder, and a beautiful post, as always! I like your comment that we "convict ourselves of crimes no one else can see." Lots of love to you, my lovely friend! P.S. Wait, you moved?