Affirmation

I work at a university library. We're a small school, the kind of place where students are involved with at least 5 extra-curriculars and are taking 19 credits. It's easy for our students to feel overwhelmed, particularly our women. There's a lot of pressure (external and internal) on young women today. That's why my heart was so warmed when I saw this in the women's bathroom at work. Our young women have each other's backs! Check out these affirmations that were left to help lift others up:

You are loved
You look good
Damn girl
You sexy
Get that coffee
Success starts w/ you
You're unique
Be positive
Be confident
I love you
You got this
You're beautiful
You're perfect
You're amazing
You rock
Be you

We all need to remember this sometimes. That we're all these things, and that we've got women who have our backs.

Heartbreak in All Its Forms

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I wrote this in November 2014 and recently revisited it because the world can be a crazy, heartbreaking place, and sometimes we need a reminder that we can do it, whatever it may be.

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Dealing with heartbreak can be a huge obstacle.

When I speak about heartbreak, I’m pretty sure I’m not talking about what probably immediately comes to mind. Life hands us all kinds of surprises--some are wonderful and unexpected and others are devastating, challenging, maddening (and, yes, unexpected). Some are big deals, some are little deals that feel like big deals at the time, and others… Well, they just are, because that’s part of life.

Sometimes we’re heartbroken because we want to change things for the better, but it doesn’t seem to work out. Plans don’t fall into place; minds aren’t open to change; perhaps you’re not in a place to enact change. So what do you do? Every person is different…

Sometimes we’re heartbroken because of a loss. This can be the loss of a loved one, the loss of someone we didn’t necessarily know but was someone we looked up to and felt hope because of their existence. This can be the loss of an imagined outcome, the “if only” situations, the idea of something. All of these describe grief…

Sometimes we’re heartbroken because we’re frustrated. Maybe it’s a lack of control, maybe fear, maybe that we just can’t change circumstances.

Sometimes we’re heartbroken because we’ve closed ourselves off to something that we want (but apparently not enough to change from within to open up).

Sometimes we’re heartbroken by time. It either goes too quickly during a time we want to cherish, or moves too slowly during a time we’d rather forget. Sometimes we don’t know how quickly or slowly we want time to go because of the unknown: how will this illness progress; how will my child develop; how will I handle this big responsibility; what if I screw up; what does the future hold and how am I supposed to prepare for that?

I certainly don’t have the answers, but I’ve found sometimes the following things help:

• Find strength in others (and yourself), talk to a good friend.
• Look for hope.
• Believe in yourself.
• Take a break and a breath.
• Have a good cry.
• Go for a walk - engage those endorphins.
• Take time to feel whatever it is you need to feel - give yourself permission.
• Give yourself permission to move on, too.
• Step away from a situation if need be.
• Assess the situation - can you change it? No? Yes? Accept what you can do or change, and accept what you can't.
• Make it manageable - rather than be overwhelmed, break it down into more manageable pieces.
• Know that no two people react/feel/grieve the same, and that's ok. 
• Seek help beyond friends if you need to.

Remember you’re more capable than you think you are. You can handle heartbreak and challenges, and you don’t have to do it alone.

If your feelings are more than you can bear, please seek out professional help immediately. Resources can be found here: http://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help/

On Scheduling Everything

I am lost without my calendar.

Creative Commons image from Flickr user photosteve101

I sync my work calendar to my personal calendar and then do a weekly calendar overview of important events with my boyfriend and add some of his events to my calendar. 

I have birthday reminders, and reminders a little before that to mail the birthday card for the upcoming birthday. I schedule so many things: classes, reminders to go get groceries or pick up a package at UPS after work, rehearsals, birthdays (friends, family, friends’ kids, coworkers, boyfriend’s family), weddings, anniversaries, date nights, book clubs (plural…), workout schedules, game nights, family visits, reminders to write these blog posts… Sometimes it can feel overwhelming and redundant.

At some point I realized that I was forgetting to “schedule” down time. Time where I don’t have to rush from one thing to the next. Time where it’s about being and not going. Time where I’m not constantly looking at my calendar or waiting for the next ding from my phone reminding me to get somewhere on time.

It’s easy to let that unstructured time suddenly fill with something. “Well, technically I am free then, so I could go…” or “I feel bad saying no if I’m not really doing anything then…” And so, I resolve to be more diligent about intentionally scheduling down time. That may likely mean I need to literally type it into my calendar, because, if it’s written on the calendar it’s a nice reminder that, yes, I do have plans then. My plans include reading, laundry, cooking real food for the first time all week, filing paid bills away, balancing my checkbook, pretending like it’s normal to have a big 75 lb. sandbag sitting along the wall of my kitchen all spring/summer because I don’t have a garage and I know winter is just weeks away again (*sigh*)… Or none of that.

Maybe just sitting, napping, thinking, being.

How do you step away from constantly going?