Monday, September 2, 2013

How things change

It's funny how quickly things can change.  In a matter of one day, our entire plan for the future changed.  There was no catastrophe, no sad/scary event, just a change of heart.

We have been going through school with a specific job in mind, planning for that, coordinating life around that, applying specifically for that, and all of the sudden, in 24 hours it has all changed.

We decided that job wasn't the right one. It was a nagging feeling I had for a while, but refused to acknowledge, because I thought "No, this is our plan, this is why we are doing everything we are doing, we don't need to change it."  And then, we talked it out, and realized neither one of us thought that job was the right one.

 Well what now!?!

 And it occurs to me that I am not the only person to ever experience this. However, I am selfish, so I often feel "No one else ever has to go through things like this! Why can't our plan just stay the same all the way through the execution just once!"  I know, I also sound like a petulant 9 year old, and I must admit, sometimes I feel that way.

I realized, after I had my own little pity party, that most of my in-laws and several of my friends have gone through something similar. This is the plan, we are working towards this, and that's it. Oh wait, now that's not what we want... now what?!  Well, I guess now we move forward, perhaps slowly at first, until we figure out exactly what path we should be on, until then we just take one day at a time. "Baby steps, Bob" should be my new mantra.  One day at a time. Sometimes we get the things we need rather than the things we thought we wanted.

Life rarely, if ever, ends the way we thought it would at the beginning.

Right? Or am I alone in feeling that way?

 I am a planner, I love it.  I have calendars, and schedules and organization.  Am I the crazy one who plans 5 years in the future, and then gets upset when it doesn't actually go the way they wanted?
Perhaps so, but in the wake of such unexpected change I have to remind myself of all of the things that are so wonderful in my life, and none of them went as planned.

My husband. I never thought my roommate (Thanks Meg!) would introduce us one night, and that 4 months later we'd be married.  My son. He came a month early and ended up in the NICU for 8 days. NOT a part of my plan, and I HATED it, but it did save his life.  My daughters conception? Completely unplanned and unexpected. (Please don't misunderstand, we were still very excited and love her very much).  We always wanted more kids, but she came much sooner than we thought she would!

All of these awesome wonderful things, and none of them followed my specific plans.

Perhaps letting go of all of these ideas and accepting all of the wonderful things that can happen when you just follow your heart is something I need to work on.  It has certainly worked out much better than my plans ever could have.

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