When I got married I thought my days of awkward dates were over and I could not have been more thrilled. The truth is I hate meeting new people. Or more accurately, I hate the process of meeting new people. Where you have to pretend that you're super normal, not eat second helpings at dinner, and not blurt out stuff like your son was conceived under a Christmas tree. Why can't we just skip right to the good stuff from the moment of introduction? "Hi I'm Paige and I ate three doughnuts for breakfast today." It would be so much easier.
Instead I find myself in the throes of awkward first dates all over again, trying to act normal enough to entrap someone into my waiting arms. Only this time around I'm married with a baby, I'm too tired to go through the song and dance of what do you like to do for fun and then feigning interest in a lengthy explanation of the many intricacies of origami. And this time around instead of courting young undergrads, I'm on the prowl for a more elusive and complex group of people...
Mommy friends.
I recently moved to a new state where I don't know anyone and I am sort of desperate for some serious committed relationships.Why can't they make an eharmony site for meeting other moms? I'm pretty good at putting myself out there, going to book club, to parks, to baby music class, though the whole time I'm not watching my baby bang on a wood block, I'm checking out the other mommy tail and trying to decide who I have a shot at. My problem is I don't know how to take the next step, how to go from small talk at baby music class to play dates that I pretend are for my infant son when they're really just for me.
I do have a lot of ideas though! Driving by their house several times a day to see if they're home. Leaving really long, rambling, incoherent voicemails that just end with a trail of nervous laughter. Pretending something fell out of their purse and I needed to return it. Isn't this your stick of gum? I thought you might need it... As long as I'm here, you want to grab lunch or something?
All solid ideas.
I also have the same jealousy issues that I did when I was actually dating, only they're magnified tenfold. "Oh you and Jill went to the thrift store together? That's soooo great. I'm so happy for you two! Really great. That's just so so so great. I hate the thrift store so it's a good thing you didn't call me..."
At the end of my first round of dating I wound up with a wonderful prize, a loyal husband who fills my days with love and laughter. I hope that at the end of this round of dating I will end up with something similar. Someone who will make all the nervous flirting in tight jeans at baby music class worth it. Someone who will go to Krispy Kreme with me for breakfast, sharing laughs over a dozen doughnuts, our diaper bags touching under the table. Someone who will look the other way when my son snatches their kid's toy away. Someone I can swap poop disaster stories with. Someone to call for advice when my son gets a weird rash....
But until then, I have got to get better at dating.
2 comments:
Oh my goodness. I've been going through this too! We made a friend at swimming lessons and have had a couple of playdates, but I just don't know if it's going anywhere real. Mommy dating is so hard.
This is the best! "diaper bags touching under the table..." My first mommy playdate was with a girl I met at infant massage. Naturally my kid wouldn't nap before they came, so almost the entire play date consisted of them chilling in my living room, alone, while I was in the next room trying to calm my kid down (or at least get the screaming to stop). They left after 20 minutes and I waved goodbye thinking, "I'll never see them again...". We've done a lot of stuff since, though, hooray! But now I'm looking for a playmate for my younger son, so the awkwardness begins again...
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