Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Lesson Learned, Julie: Comfortable

Contest entry #5 by another of our favorite contributors, Julie.

I had a hard time feeling comfortable in my skin. Literally. I had a tremendous case of acne from 6th to 11th grade. I grew to my height before the boys grew. I really was uncomfortable with myself. In college I tried to keep up with the fads, and once married I tried to keep my home decorated like the neighbors and my hedges pruned. I had happiness. To a certain level.

Finally by the ripe old age of 27 I was able to completely let down my guard. I could see the whole picture. My lesson was learned. Happiness came from what I determined it was. This is simple and obvious. But seriously, it felt like forever until I no longer cared if others were judging me. Or looking at my huge zit. I am what I am. No apologies. This changed the color of my world. This lesson has had the biggest impact on my self esteem and self worth. It is wonderful to feel and know this. I look forward to continuing to grow every year.

Last month I came out of a church restroom with my skirt tucked up in the back of my waistband. Yes, my rear was there full view for any and all to see. You may not see this as drastic, but I am 8 months pregnant and about 30 pounds sexier at the moment. Luckily, there was only one man there to gawk at me, and 2 very kind ladies who scurried over to untuck the fabric. I should have been mortified and then run to hide. Somehow I was not. I was grateful to the ladies, and confident that the male observer took pity and humor on the big fat pregnant lady carrying her 18 month old son. This reaffirms my lesson; I am fine being me, even in my most embarrassing state!


Melissa said...

I may just have to replace "heavier" with "sexier" for the rest of my life thanks to this post. What happened at 27 that changed your perspective? Was it one incident or just getting older and wiser? I struggle with this myself to one degree or another still and I want to become more confidant and comfortable in my own skin as you said. Especially since I have a daughter who I need to teach to be comfortable and love who she is.

Julie W said...

Melissa, I believe growing older and wiser made the difference. Also choosing to be happy, choosing what I wanted. Not comparing or judging. Just living my life and not worrying about any one or anything else. It was not one thing. I just worked on MY personal issues to love myself.

Miri said...

Wow, Julie. I love this. It's absolutely ridiculous how deep-seated this obsession with looks is in our culture (in lots of cultures, I think), but I am determined to learn how to get outside of it. Your experience is really impressive!

Kelsey said...

Julie, I've started a blog about beauty, and I'd really love to include your story in it one of these days when I can get blogger to cooperate with me. Take a look and let me know if I could include you sometime. Thanks!