Right now she is living in Utah and working on her Master's Degree in Family Therapy. She loves everything about China (could I say that in a weirder way? I think not). She lived in China while she taught ESL and served a mission for our church in Taiwan. She is also a talented artist... she even does caricatures! It’s Friday night. The weekend is here and your plans are up in the air. Your best guy friend texts you, asking what’s going on tonight. As the evening settles in, you find yourself hanging out with friends watching a movie you really are not in the mood for, or at a dance party (and you really don’t like to dance).
Does this ever happen to you? Does it sound like your every weekend? I present this scenario from personal experience--in fact, from weekends of personal experience.
Until now.
I have a belated New Year’s resolution. It dawned on me this past week. I was sick with a cold, following a pack of friends down Center Street, looking for a place to eat. I wasn’t even hungry. All I really wanted was to be at home in my pjs, watching something sappy like Pride and Prejudice and pampering my cold. But, obviously, there was something significantly appealing about this sad alternative that found me cold and meandering up and down Center Street… Yes, a guy.
On this walk, I took note of the couples that also walked hand in hand along Center Street. Watching them enter and exit the quaint ethnic restaurants or hidden community theaters. And that feeling hit--you know the one. I really want a boyfriend. I want him to know how I love China and take me to this perfect Chinese place that he heard about on Center Street, one I’ve never been to. But I don't have that. Instead, here I am: Cold. Sick. “Hanging out” with a guy who is clueless.
I’m really putting myself out here for you, readers. At this point in the story, I probably sound sad and pathetic. But I do this because I know I am not the only girl who finds herself in this situation. I don’t know what inspired me, but my thoughts took a positive turn.
Yes, I want to date. But while thinking about this, my mind did a short mental review of my dateless existence. So the question became, am I going to have a pity party with myself, or am I going to do something about it?
The answer is... I will date. Every week. I will take myself on dates!
I haven’t gone crazy, I promise. The solution I came up with is exactly what I read on this blog all the time: Pamper yourself. Enjoy yourself. Be yourself. Take yourself (and possibly a friend, because going solo to a restaurant is a little daunting even with this newfound self-assertiveness) to that Chinese place you know you’ll love. Or to the movie or play you’ve been dying to see. Or maybe stay in and try out a new recipe, because cooking is fun. I guarantee these dates with yourself will be more satisfying and fulfilling than the alternative. And, I suspect that a girl who is comfortable with herself and has fun with herself will seem more comfortable and fun to others. This may even lead to real dates--but that is not the point. The point is to be happy with you. Right now. The way things are.
A heads up: I don’t imagine it will always be easy. Like I said, “hanging out,” especially with someone you really like, will be tempting. Just don’t ditch yourself to do something that is less satisfying and fulfilling. If he isn’t asking you out, then ask yourself out. You deserve better. ;)
4 comments:
Love it. When I was reading the first half of your post I was thinking... ya we totally all do things like that or had/have these experiences and how sad that we would let life pass us by! I admire your courage in taking control of your life and not giving any excuses for not going to that Chinese place or anything else. Now with your new wonderful perspective you won't find yourself saying in 10 years 'I wish I did that, or went there or yadda yadda...'. No excuses! Love. it.
I think the best thing I ever learned during my early years at college was that I was happier when I made my own plans instead of waiting around for someone else to make them for me. If I wanted to see a movie, I got my roommates to see it with me. If I wanted to go to a concert, I tracked down other people who were fans of the band. It opened a whole new world of weekend activities. When I had a date it was lovely, but I didn't ever have to spend the weekends when I didn't have them doing things I didn't want to do - or doing nothing.
Shortly after I got married I was asked to do a Q&A on dating. I was 30 and thought, "What do I know about this stuff?! This just all sort of happened!" But inspiration struck and the number one dating rule I came up with was, "Do. not. stalk. boys." If they like you, they will ask you out. Plain and simple. They aren't as clueless as you think, but they sure love that women THINK they are clueless because then they get away with hanging out eternally and never having to face anything. Fun for them.
I've been there for sure, more times than I care to admit.
I love this, and even though I am married with a child...I think I have to treat myself to a date once a week. I think for my own sanity I need to do something for myself that will make me feel happy.
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