Why I Hate Running but Do It Anyway

I am not a fan of running. I never really have been. Remember the Presidential Fitness Test in school? Yeah, that wasn’t really my thing. That mile we had to do… I walked it because I didn’t like sweating. I never really did sports, unless you count one season of flag football in 6th grade (yes, you can be a feminist at age 11), and one year of show choir (that’s physical activity, right?). So, a few years ago, when I decided to give the Couch to 5K program a try you could say I was less than enthused, but still amazingly, defying all odds, motivated.

Somehow that early interval training (I can say that now, because, you now, I’m a “runner” and all…) turned into running a different 5K every month for a 12 months, which turned into logging 3 miles every day for a month (and, can I just tell you, that was a really cold April around here...ice + me running = giggles for anyone who happened to be watching), which turned into conquering a 10K (over six miles, which kind of blew my mind), and, this October, a half marathon (that’s right, over 13 flipping miles). I’m not bragging, I promise (you would know this if you could see me “run”), and I certainly didn’t do it all overnight (it’s been about 3 years so far). I’m kind of astounded and mostly surprised. Running hasn’t completely transformed my life; it hasn’t made me a runway model; it hasn’t always been a constant, either. I’ve messed up. I’ve taken breaks that were intended to only be a week off...which morphed into a couple of months off (stupid winter...and my hatred of treadmills and running inside)...

But I do it anyway because it makes me feel stronger. It provides time to focus on nothing or to let my mind process what’s happening in my life. I don’t feel winded going up and down stairs or hills. My digestion is better (who knew?!). Most importantly, I know that I can accomplish goals--even in realms that aren’t my forte.

So I’m going to keep setting goals.

What activities do you do that you don’t necessarily love, but that help you love yourself more? 

The Beauty of Yes, the Beauty of No, and the Beauty of Knowing Yourself

We've all fallen into the trap of saying yes too often. Maybe it was volunteering for an event or project; maybe it was giving up the only free couple of hours you've had in weeks to help a friend move; maybe it was thinking you could get that book club book read before next month's meeting only to realize that your eyelids have a strange magnetic pull downward every time you crack open the pages and you find yourself an hour later with the only visible progress you can track being the line of drool that crept down your face and onto the pages as you wake up with morning breath… Overcommitment. It gets the best of us sometimes. Sometimes saying yes can be a wonderful growing process and incredibly rewarding. Nothing teaches you just what you're capable of like jumping into it, whatever it may be. Sometimes, however, it can be a trap, and that's when you learn what you want to be capable of.

Okay, really, it's about knowing yourself and knowing your priorities. 

I'm not saying I don't stay late at work, and I'm not saying I don't take on new projects or responsibilities, and I really do love helping my friends if they're moving or need a spare freezer meal, a dog sitter (I'm SO in!), or just need a friend to walk and talk with.  What I am saying is: now I'm starting to better prioritize my time and I work hard to remember that I need to be healthy and happy in order to do anything well. As a bonus, I've found this helps me more fully enjoy those things I do take on. 

Here's a little secret: sometimes I actually enjoy saying no. 

• I enjoy saying no when I know whoever I would have been working with is less invested in doing a quality job than I would be even though it's their idea or project. 
• I enjoy saying no when I know it won't be something I like doing (but I do things I don’t like doing when I know it will help someone I care about or when I know it will help me grow as a person). 
• I enjoy saying no when I know those I would be working with are disorganized or flakey (it's just not worth it). 
• And I enjoy saying no when I know that if I had said yes I wouldn't have time to do laundry that week and would be stuck wearing the underwear that I always keep at the back of the drawer (you know, the really uncomfortable ones...or worse, the ones with holes...yeah, I went there) and that wonky bra with the uncomfortable underwire.

How have you gotten over your need to always say yes? What have you found to be more rewarding since you started prioritizing wellness (quality) over hecticness (quantity)? 

L.O.V.E.L.Y.

What does being lovely mean to me?

L- Being Likable. There are some people that are so friendly and kind that you like they automatically when you meet them. Be that person!
O- Being Open and Optimistic. Keep yourself open to new experiences and new friends. Be optimistic that life is generally good.
V- Knowing the true Value of yourself and others. We devalue ourselves and other so often with excuses and criticisms. You are worth every pound you weigh! Show yourself and others the true value of each person.
E- Having Empathy. Give others a break. We've all been there before and we know it's hard, so cut others (and yourself) some slack for when they aren't at their best.
L- Laughter. Learn to laugh at yourself and to laugh with others. Laughter is great medicine and kind brighten any day.
Y- Being Young in heart. It doesn't matter how old you are on the outside, but how old you are on the inside. Many people in their eighties say they are really a twenty year old soul stuck in an eighty year old body. Children are great examples- they are care free, happy, love to play and have fun, and they love people unconditionally. We should be child-like and young in heart, and lovely.

“The earth is what we all have in common.”

Happy Earth Day, lovely readers! 

Don't feel bad if you didn't get to do anything awesome like plant a tree or recycle your car; every day is Earth Day, and every day is your new chance! There are a million trillion ways to start taking care of the environment, and some of them are easy. (Some others aren't, it's true--but losing natural resources because we didn't take care of them isn't any easier! Just think of it that way. :) )

I didn't get to do anything epic today, either, but I did see a woman at the Barnes and Noble Starbucks getting her coffee in a mug she brought from home, and that made me pretty happy. All I did was my usual--skipping the plastic bag when I stopped at Target, picking up a little trash here and there, and putting a cardboard box in the recycle bin instead of the trash. 

Here are some great lists of really simple ways to do your part:

• http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/home/green-living/ways-to-go-green
• http://www.bhg.com/home-improvement/remodeling/eco-friendly/easy-ways-to-go-green/
• http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/just-dreaming/article.aspx?cp-documentid=8318407

Desired Things

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.


Avoid loud and aggressive persons,

they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.


Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.


Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.


Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.


You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.


Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952

Time Tested Beauty Tips

This poem was not written by Audrey Hepburn, as many an email forward has claimed; it was written by Sam Levenson, but the lovely Audrey quoted it often. (It does seem like the kind of thing she would say, doesn't it? And that is why we love her.)

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anybody.

source (and a lovely story)

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands: One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

--Sam Levenson

Let's Make A Pact

A few years ago, I was sitting in my living room in my college apartment watching (because it was there) A Little Princess. There's a line in this movie where Sarah turns to Becky and says, "Becky, let's make a pact. I've always thought of us as sisters. Let's promise to always take care of each other."

At the time, I was sharing the living room with my roommate Mandy, who wanted to watch the movie, and my friend Nate, who was there trying to teach me how to use Excel. Right after this scene, without missing a beat, Mandy turned to Nate and said, "Nate, let's make a pact. I've always thought of us as sisters. Let's promise to always take care of each other."

Tragically, Nate didn't make much of a sister (although we did call him Sister Nate for the rest of the year). However, I liked the idea of defining sisterhood as a mutual desire to look out for one another, and I've always been amazed at how much taking care of someone increases my love for them.

I've been watching some friends going through some tough times lately, and I've been coping with some mildly difficult things myself, and I've been watching the way people step in to try to help, even when they don't have anything to offer but their love. I'm fascinated by the way that finding someone who has had a similar experience can make a bad situation better, just because it's nice knowing someone understands. I love the way I am made better when I can pull myself out of my own drama long enough to see how I can try to help someone through theirs.

So, lovely readers, let's make a pact.

Perfection

I came across the following quote by author Anna Quindlen, "The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself." You see, I am a perfectionist. I get caught up in the little details and the little worries of life because those are the things that are most often staring me in the face and begging for attention. Why do I give those things such importance?

Looking beyond the imperfections, embracing them even, is difficult and amazing and really a whole lot easier than striving for perfection. My days are better when I let some of the "little things" in life go by without a second thought, especially those "little things" that are personal. Things like remembering that it's okay to say no when asked to do something I really don't want to do. Things like whether or not my hair is frizzy or my makeup is done. Some days, it's just not going to happen, because I'm a human being who is occasionally lazy. Go me! I could continue with examples, but I'm sure you can all think of some for me.

The most important point I would like to make is, when you are trying to be perfect, it can keep you from becoming who you really want to be. You spend all your time and energy keeping up the appearance of perfection and the real you, the one with all sorts of awesome quirks and flaws, just gets pushed aside. No one is perfect. Not a single person on this earth. It's refreshing to take a moment and remember that, isn't it? Perfection is overrated and unattainable, but happiness, honest to goodness happiness with who you are as a person, is something worthy of your time and effort.

Family

Sometimes my family drives me crazy. That's a pretty normal thing, I'm sure. On the other hand, most of my happiest memories involve a family member.

Take a minute to think about some of your happy memories. Do you ever realize how happy you are in the moment? It is so easy to not notice moments like that because they are so normal and simple and common, but those can be some of the best memories. You could just be sitting around the table after dinner talking and laughing and remembering silly stuff or lounging around on a perfect Sunday afternoon...even a trip to the store can become memorable.

I took a friend to do some sight seeing this weekend and we stayed the night with my grandparents. My aunt (my mom's only sister) was also visiting so we got to hang out with her as well. It was so fun to watch and listen to my Grandad as he was telling stories about me to my friend - stories that I don't even remember all the details to and stories about things that were just between him and me. It was fun to listen to my Grandad and my aunt mention things about my mother that I didn't really realize we had in common (neither of us can make fudge). There are stories and memories and experiences that can only come from family...usually they are the most embarrassing*/funny/sad/touching ones in your life and, when I take the time to think about that, I am so grateful for my family.

All of those experiences and connections are what help to make me a lovely person. They keep me happy and humble and grounded. And the best part is, family is unlimited...the term can be all encompassing if you want it to be. Your family can include your immediate family members, cousins, close friends or even your aunt's neighbor's dog. It's a great thing. So don't discount the lazy days and shopping trips and boring Wednesday nights. There's always an opportunity to create a happy memory.



*I was going to include a photo of my family, but they are all pretty much in the embarrassing category, so we're skipping that part for now.

Think Before You Type (Or: Be Kind Part 2)

So . . . I'm sure you're all aware that some political things happened this week. Political things and other polarizing things happen often, and we're not here to talk about them here. We are going to talk about Facebook.

Yesterday I watched a lot of conversations develop on my Facebook newsfeed. Many of them were not nice. Some of them had elements that were barely human. People were screaming at each other (figuratively, although I suppose it could have been literally as well - who's to know when the conversation is virtual?) about things that had very little to do with who the individuals involved were, and everything to do with their opinion about one political issue. I'd like to say I couldn't believe it, but I've seen it before. It just never fails to make me feel sick to my stomach.

The biggest issue for me is actually this: I hate it when people forget it's okay for someone to have a different opinion than they do. It doesn't make them bad people. It doesn't even necessarily (gasp!) make them wrong. It would be nice if it made them a nice counterpoint for your viewpoint so that you could both understand an issue better from both sides, and when people can remember that not everything has to be about who wins and who loses, sometimes those really great conversations happen and everyone comes out with a better understanding. It's just that so often - too often - it's much too easy to boil everything down to "I'm right, you're wrong, and what's more, you are a bad person for being wrong." And at that point, all conversation and learning stops and it's all just rage and hurt feelings. No one convinces anyone of anything when they are shouting at them - in person or virtually.

But I think the scariest part about the way we function on Facebook or blogs or Twitter is the way people can forget that the name and picture (or even worse, the disembodied text) they are responding to is a person - and not just a random stranger, but a friend. (Unless you're one of those people who actually talks to those random people you add on Facebook after you meet them once. You know who you are. Winky face.) I'm almost sure that about 80% of the really angry things people were saying wouldn't have been said if the conversations were happening face to face. Because the conversations happened online, they said completely hideous things to each other without feeling a twinge.

Bottom line: hate is not lovely. Cowardly hate on the Internet is even less lovely. It's easy to fall into the trap, but standing up for what you believe in and attacking the people who don't believe it are not the same. Be courteous. Be kind. But most of all, be aware of the fact that just because the person isn't in front of you doesn't mean their reaction isn't going to be real.

Be Imperfect

You are not a walking mistake.
You are not a problem to be solved.

--Adyashanti

With all our talk about improving ourselves and becoming lovely, we want to make sure that we don't get carried away with the renovations. The point to remember is that change is the natural way of things--there will always be things about you that you feel you need to improve. That doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. (You get dirty every day, and then you have to shower, but you don't feel bad about yourself for needing the shower to get clean again.) Before you can really make any changes, you have to accept yourself where you are, and be able to see your imperfections without hating yourself for them.


(Image source: Allison Reynolds)

All it Takes is Faith and Trust...

Maybe I watched Finding Neverland this weekend and maybe I cried in a room full of people, but I don't feel too bad about it. It made me think of this quote Megan has been toying around with from e.e. cummings:

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."

One of my favorite parts in Finding Neverland is when J.M. Barrie (the author of Peter Pan) is talking to George, the oldest of the four boys in the movie. George has just realized that his mother is seriously ill and J.M. Barrie says, "Magnificent. The boy is gone. In the last 30 seconds... you became a grown-up." It seems like a sad and random part to like, but I like it all the same.

It really is easy to see such a change in a person if you are really looking. It's sad and wonderful and it's like seeing into the future. You can see a person gathering their courage before taking that final leap. You can see where that leap might take them based on the decision they are making. Most importantly, if you are paying attention, you can be aware of when this change happens to you. I think it can happen several times throughout your life. We aren't limited to one try at becoming a grown-up or at becoming who we really are (thank goodness). We have endless opportunities to take the courage to grow up a little more each day and that is what will help us become the lovely people we are meant to be.

Put on a Happy Face

I came across this article while I was browsing blogs (A Cup of Jo, specifically) and thought I would share. Many of the "steps to simple happiness" are NYC-centric, but there are quite a few that are universal. Here are some of my favorites:

16. "Eat one ounce of dark chocolate a day. It's the new superfood."

18. “Don’t be afraid to change up your style. Your hair is your best accessory. Besides, what are you afraid of? It will always grow back."

21.“Forget the brown-rice sushi. The Japanese are some of the most long-lived people on the planet, and they only eat white rice.”

31.“Collect visual memories of moments when you were incredibly happy, and close your eyes and picture them when you need a boost. The mind needs images to access feelings.”

32. “Carry yourself more erect. Poor posture is a self-fulfilling prophecy of gloom. You can improve your outlook and confidence simply by improving your posture.”

33.“Start an old-fashioned correspondence with a friend. Handwriting a letter forces you to express yourself in a totally different way.”

34. “Diversify your cognitive portfolio: Museum Mondays, Tennis Tuesdays, Writing Wednesdays, Tango Thursdays, Learn-to-Frittata Fridays, Socializing Saturdays, Socrates Sundays. We need to rotate activities weekly to fire up different brain regions.”

44. “Think like a shark, act like a 5-year-old. Our bodies are meant to be in motion. Don’t stay in the same position for more than 30 minutes at a time.”

48. “Surround yourself with things that smell like green apple or cucumber, two scents that have been proved to reduce anxiety and boost mood. Candles, shampoo, lotion—anything.”


Not that I really needed someone to encourage me to eat MORE dark chocolate, but it sure is nice to have a good, solid reason for doing so. Like when I recite "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands." Again, I don't have a husband to shoot should I be unhappy, but this little gem of a quote keeps me moving when all I want to do is go procure more dark chocolate. Maybe now I will also remind myself to be more shark-like and zig-zag a little while I jog.

The point is, whatever works for you. Throw caution to the wind and eat white rice. Try a new hair style. Go buy some delicious smelling cucumber something or other. Most importantly, be happy.


Read more: 50 Steps to Simple Happiness -- New York Magazine http://nymag.com/health/features/63043/index2.html#ixzz0gK5JWjxh

My Heart's a Drummer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_g3kkGH8Mo

My love for the show Glee is well known and, honestly, the cover of Don't Rain on My Parade from that show is what inspired this post; but I'm also a little bit of a purist, so this clip from Funny Girl won out.

Mostly, I was listening to the song and the lyrics (my favorite lines are in bold) and it made me think about Monday's post. Read through the lyrics, have a listen and go do something new and exciting.


Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter
Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter
Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade
Don't tell me not to fly, I simply got to
If someone takes a spill, it's me and not you
Who told you you're allowed to rain on my parade?

I'll march my band out, I'll beat my drum
And if I'm fanned out, your turn at bat, sir
At least I didn't fake it, hat, sir
I guess I didn't make it
But whether I'm the rose of sheer perfection
A freckle on the nose of life's complexion
The Cinderella or the shine apple of its eye
I gotta fly once, I gotta try once,
Only can die once, right, sir?
Ooh, life is juicy, juicy and you see,
I gotta have my bite, sir.
Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a "comer"
I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer
Don't bring around the cloud to rain on my parade

I'm gonna live and live NOW!
Get what I want, I know how!
One roll for the whole shebang!
One throw that bell will go clang,
Eye on the target and wham,
One shot, one gun shot and bam!
Hey, Mr. Arnstein, here I am ...

I'll march my band out, I will beat my drum,
And if I'm fanned out, your turn at bat, sir,
At least I didn't fake it, hat, sir,
I guess I didn't make it
Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a "comer"
I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer
Nobody, no, nobody, is gonna rain on my parade!

Be Daring

Sometimes I feel like I should be more daring, take more chances, be less responsible (in a good way). If you know me, or if you are my mother, you might just sigh and maybe roll your eyes a bit and listen to me talk about whatever idea I've got in my head at the moment and then change the subject.

The truth of the matter is, I have a lot of ideas. I like to make plans. I like to follow through with my ideas and I have a very VERY hard time being patient during the process. Take this blog, for example. I had the idea and the next day an opportunity to talk about the idea came up and immediately following that conversation, I emailed Megan and Miri to tell them about it. Then I spent the next two weeks completely immersed in getting things started and those two weeks were kind of torturous because I just wanted to get everything going. So this happens to me a lot, with big ideas and little ideas.

My mom would say I follow whims (does that make me a "whimsical" person?). I'm not especially spontaneous or adventurous, but I get an idea and I have to see it through. I could fail miserably. I have failed miserably. But am I worse off for trying? Certainly not. If I hadn't followed a whim or two, I would never have gone to England and France. I wouldn't have found some of my favorite creative outlets. I wouldn't know some of my favorite people. We wouldn't have this blog.

That's me in my always messy short hair adventure having days on the steps of some giant place in Paris.

And still I feel I should be more daring. I never want to feel stuck or trapped or like I'm holding myself back. I like saying things like, "I just did it" when people ask me why I went to England. It's fun to use "just because" as a reason and still feel perfectly, blissfully justified. It's fun because it's exciting and it's irrational and it's daring.

Those Days

Do you ever have days when you just feel off? When, try as you might, everything you do feels wrong? Not that things necessarily go wrong or anything truly bad or frustrating happens, but you are frustrated simply because you don't feel like yourself?

I have those days. I HATE those days. I could eat whole pints of Ben and Jerry's on those days.

To me, it's like whatever it is inside me that makes me who I truly am has taken a vacation without giving any notice. If I was a cartoon, there would be a picture of the inside of my head with one of these:
Unfortunately, I am not a cartoon. There will be no solution presented to me after the break and no happy ending in 30 minutes. There will be no white knight arriving at my door to rescue me from my truly disfunctional day, completely disregarding my severe lack of shower and makeup.

All I can do on those days is hope and pray I can keep it together until bedtime and continue to hope and pray that tomorrow, I will be me again.... and probably eat a whole pint of Ben and Jerry's.

But then there are those days when you couldn't be more happy with yourself. Where you can conquer the world. Laundry not only gets cleaned, but folded AND put away! Dishes are done and real-life, healthy meals are made. It's like the sun shines down on you alone and birds sing your praises and everyone is your best friend. And poor Ben and Jerry are eschewed with a firm hand, never to be heard from again.

I have those days. I LOVE those days.

The trouble comes in trying to find where the difference lies. Is it attitude? I don't think it is, because you can try and try to be happy no matter what during an off day and it just doesn't change things. They are different from bad days. Is it some outside influence? I would also have to say no to that. I think it really is just a need for opposition. You can't have the good days without having the bad days. You can't be "on" if you are never "off."

So maybe it's all about embracing those off days, as uncomfortable and frustrating as that may be. Allow yourself to take a break mentally and physically. Try not to focus on how your inner self is probably off lying on a beach in the sun somewhere. Lay down and take a nap with your kids. Read them a book. Read a book for you. Watch some TV and eat some Ben and Jerry's. Let the laundry and the dishes wait. Eat cold cereal for dinner (your children will think you are awesome, I promise). Embrace the off days and maybe they will be fewer and further between and you'll actually have more time to just be yourself.

Be Jolly

I tend to only think of the word jolly in terms of Saint Nicholas or the Green Giant and, in turn, vegetables and a tummy that shakes like a bowl full of jelly. Not being a fan of a tummy that reminds someone of jelly, being jolly isn't really something I think about.

Since I am a nerd, I looked up the definition of jolly at Dictionary.com and Merriam-Webster. Happily enough, the British really make great use of the word jolly. Thank you the British! Jolly good job! But for our purposes today we are going with Merriam-Webster:

• full of high spirits: joyous
• given to conviviality*: jovial
• expressing, suggesting, or inspiring gaiety: cheerful
• extremely pleasant or agreeable: splendid

Aren't those lovely definitions? I think so.

Now here comes the meat and potatoes portion of our post (I guess all that up there would be the salad?). Be jolly all year long, folks. Carry your high spirits into January, on through Easter and right past Halloween. Be cheerful and splendid and joyous and, most importantly, be sincere. Being all of those other things without really, truly wanting to be just isn't worth it for anyone. Save some ding-dong ditching for May. Send some letters to friends (Yes. Write. With a pencil. Use the postal service. It's fun...sometimes.), or plan a Christmas in July party. Keep your eyes open for opportunities to be jolly. Make it a permanent part of your personality because, honestly, it can't hurt to be considered "extremely pleasant or agreeable."

And now for the dessert portion...because I'm a giver.

From a Google image search. Here.

*That would be "relating to, occupied with, or fond of feasting, drinking and good company." I'm pretty sure that is my favorite definition ever.

Spotlight: Stephanie Nielson

We are starting a new feature spotlighting women who are examples of loveliness. After following the story of Stephanie Nielson since before the plane crash that changed her life, I cannot think of a better woman to start with.

Stephanie Nielson is the author of the blog Nie Nie Dialogues, where she shares the stories of raising her four young children and, now, her recovery and return to motherhood. I have mentioned her before on this blog and I will probably mention her again--she is an inspiration and a miracle.

The Arizona Republic has covered her family's story, starting with the plane crash that left Stephanie and her husband Christian severely burned and proved fatal to their pilot, Doug Kinneard. You can read the newest, multi-part installation of the Nielsons' story over at azcentral.com and I definitely recommend that you do so... with tissues.

This story touches me in a way I can't explain. I can't imagine having the strength and the will to go through so much and it is incredible to me how Stephanie has made it through. As much as this new article shares, I know there are all sorts of secret, personal stories of triumph and despair, stories of the miracles that must have occured to get Stephanie to where she is today. To think of the doctors that worked so hard to heal Stephanie's body and the worry and responsibility they surely carried on their own shoulders. To hear of the unconditional love and support of Stephanie's family throughout the entire process. It's the way a family should be. And to read Stephanie's blog now as she expresses her gratitude, love, frustration, pain, joy, etc. It's all so real and sincere and it makes me want to send her presents to brighten her day (although I know people already do that for her).

She is inspiring, and a true example of becoming lovely.

Be Thankful

I have had a rough year. So much happened and there were so many things going on inside my head that I began to doubt everything about myself. I struggled to make the most simple decisions and I basically allowed myself to just shut down. I was overcome with thoughts of things I had lost: a job, my independence, a social life, even unknown opportunities. Eventually, I learned that it was best for me to stop and just focus on the things I did have in my life--the things that would always be there and the things that made me happiest.

It's not an easy thing to do. You have to remind yourself constantly and you have to recognize when you are letting yourself get bogged down by "I wish" and "I want" and "what if." I go through my ups and downs with this exercise and sometimes I ignore it on purpose (those would be my mopiest times). But the truth of the matter is that I have so much to be thankful for... my life just isn't normal right now, and maybe that's the best part.

The moral of this story is to remember to be thankful all year round. Be thankful for all of the things that make you who you are and all of the people who love you for them. Be thankful for chocolate and babies and silly things like vampire movies and Psych marathons and finding the perfect pair of fuzzy slippers. Be thankful for the washer and dryer (I know I am...without those lovely pieces of machinery none of my clothes would get clean, at least not by me). Be thankful for the little moments and the big moments. It's easy to let things fly by without notice... choose to find those things and give thanks.

Be Free

There is something so nice about having free time, just fifteen minutes where you are free to do whatever you like without the worries of housework, homework, work work, etc. Time where you can actually take a break and breathe and let your mind rest...and I'm not talking about sleeping. Sleeping is still something you HAVE to do. I really enjoy those moments...those "turn off your mind" moments and yet, I still don't take advantage of them like I should.

I tend to guilt myself out of those moments. There are dishes to do and toys to pick up and work to be done. Sometimes, though, those moments catch me and I love them for it. I get online to be productive and I end up having an enjoyable conversation with a friend instead (productive, but in a different way). I plan on using nap time to fold laundry or get a head start on dinner and I end up taking a nap myself or getting caught up in whatever book I'm reading at the time. Later, I scramble or I just go with the flow, but that time to myself was the best thing I could do for me and whoever else I'm spending time with (usually my nephews).

I definitely am the type of person who puts everyone else first. This can be a good thing, but I have come to consider it a flaw in a lot of ways. I can run myself ragged doing all sorts of things for all sorts of people for all sorts of reasons because I genuinely enjoy being able to help and serve the people around me. Then, when I get a chance for some free time, I struggle to actually enjoy myself and to use that time for myself and that can take its toll.

Sometimes we just get so caught up in taking care of other people, we forget to take time for ourselves. We take care of our friends and children and family members and at the end of the day we realize we haven't taken any time to think. Sometimes I realize I haven't taken the time to shower or put on clothes I would wear out in public or, you know, eat. I know I'm not alone in this.

So don't guilt yourself out of free time and remember that it is okay to say no to some things simply because you want to (this should be my mantra). Take some time for yourself to "be free." Free of schedules and obligations that take you away from your home and your family and yourself, whether that means a ten minute phone conversation with a friend (just to make sure you're both still kickin') or a two minute breather on the front porch.