Confessions of an Imperfect (Someday) Mother

Definitely not me. 

I am really excited to be an imperfect mother. Now don't get me wrong: I'm not pregnant and don't plan to be anytime soon, but I'm learning from those around me just the kind of mother I would like to be. I'm realistic. I know I will be a messy parent; I know that kids don't sleep through the night; I know it's tempting to give your child anything and everything that you or they can possibly imagine; I know I won't be able to provide anything and everything we could possibly imagine, and I'm okay with that. My someday kids probably won't have the latest video games, the fanciest Halloween costumes, or perfect birthday parties. They won't be allowed to dye their hair until they can drive themselves to the hairdresser's in their own car and pay for it themselves. And I've already given up on being the overly fashionable mom (helloooo comfy shoes! Why have I denied you for so long?!?). They are going to have to deal with a mom who dresses for comfort when it is cold out (Cuddl Duds, why am I just now discovering your awesomeness?!?) and wears ugly hiking sandals for as long as she can before winter sneaks in.

Why am I so excited about the fact that I'm going to be a flawed figure for my (as of yet nonexistent) children? Because perfect doesn't exist. I'm not saying that I don't have high expectations for myself, because I do. Rather, it is a prioritizing of my self-expectations. For me, bonding time is better than any toy or electronic gadget I could ever give a child. My kids may not always get what they want, but they'll get what they need. By presenting a realistic picture of what it is to be a human, woman, (someday) mother, (someday) wife, daughter, and friend, I'm helping my (someday) children understand how to accept themselves and love themselves not in spite of their imperfections, but because their imperfections are what help make them who they are, and I already know that my (someday) kids are going to be flippin' awesome.

Image used under Creative Commons license.

Lesson Learned, Jill: Life Isn't Fair

Contest entry #3 by Jill Berrett. Don't forget you still have until tomorrow to enter the contest! We still want to hear from you all.

"This isn’t fair.”

If I could sum up the majority of my thoughts from the past three or four days I think that the above statement would probably be the winner. “It’s not fair. This is not fair. Not fair, not fair not fair!” Apparently I revert back to my ten-year-old state when under duress, but no matter, because to be honest, this really hasn’t been fair.

Coming from a family of all girls, we were overly obsessed with the concept of fairness. We were instantly aware of any occasion where one sister got more than the rest of us. Desserts were painstakingly measured and cut so we all got equal portions. Christmas presents were counted and recounted to be sure that we all got the same number. Closets were compared to see if perhaps a sister was luckier in her clothing selections than the others were. The words, “not fair” were uttered so much by us that in time they started melding together until a sort of “nofeair” sound was recognized by us all as to mean, “That’s not fair!”

We drove my parents crazy. So much so that my Dad created a mantra that continues to dominate our family life today: “Life’s not fair.” As soon as the little girl, high-pitched whine of, “but that’s not fair!” was heard, we knew that quickly on its heels would come the deep, fatherly-voiced reply of, “well, life’s not fair.”

Strangely enough, I think this concept of my dad's really started to sink it at some point. I’m not sure at what point it was- whenever it was, it look a long, long time, but standing where I am in my life now- today- I find myself saying, when the occasion calls for it, “well, Jill- life’s just not fair.”

So I guess this is what I have learned: Yes, at times I wish things in my life were different. But it'll be okay I suppose because, really- life just isn’t fair...

I did my best. I did what I could. Sure, I didn’t get what I wanted in the end, but at least I know it wasn’t from lack of trying on my part. I may not have gotten what I feel I deserved, but no worries. I’ll simply wait for the day to come when I get something far more than I deserve. Because let’s not forget- there are two sides to every coin. You see, sometimes this whole “life’s not fair” thing can really work out in our favor…

This has been an original essay by one Jill Berrett, copyright pending...

Facebook Wisdom

I have a friend whose Facebook profile sports this text in the "About Me" section.

Wouldn't this old world be a better place if the folks we meet would say,"I know something good about you!" and then treat us just that way? Wouldn't it be nice to practice this way of thinking? "You know something good about me, I know something good about you."

What a surprisingly sweet sentiment, I thought when I saw it. This blog ever in mind, I googled it to find out where it came from, and I got nothing--which leads me to believe that it's my friend's own wonderful brain that came up with such a lovely thought. Wouldn't it be nice if that's how we approached every person in our lives? Imagine the way your interactions would change if the first thing you thought about a person was something good about them.

Whether it's someone you're meeting for the first time or someone who's been around for years, you can acknowledge something good about a person. If nothing else, it might simply be the fact that this person is another human being slogging through the same messy world that you're trying to get through. So instead of jumping to the first available negative conclusion, let's assume something nice about people. We might be wrong, but it won't matter.

Expectations

It's hard to keep yourself from having expectations. We expect things to happen and, for the most part, we even expect things to happen in a certain way. We anticipate an upcoming event and we create expectations for how that event will turn out.

Most of the time, for me at least, those expectations are pretty general. Thoughts like, "Everything will go well and run smoothly" and "I'm going to have a good time." Usually the general, wide spread expectations are more of a reassurance or a mantra to get me through whatever event is occurring. The problem I have with expectations is when it comes to personal relationships. Relationships with family, friends, potential boyfriends, co-workers, etc.

See, I am an over thinker. I think through every situation and all the possible outcomes before I ever reach the situation (that is, whenever I have the opportunity to do so). I talk things out with other people to try to figure out if my expectations are realistic or not, but there are always those little hopes and fears that sneak in and can quickly turn realistic expectations around. I really hate that I do that. I always think that my life would be so much easier if I just stopped over thinking things, not if I stopped expecting things to go one way or another, but if I just stopped thinking about those expectations until they became so drastically different from the possible real life outcome.

I guess my point is that we should expect good things, but expect them to come in their normal, everyday packages. Expectations can be exciting and can be the thing you need to give you that boost to do something daring, but building up unrealistic expectations can leave you dissatisfied with the good things that are real.