Why I Hate Running but Do It Anyway

I am not a fan of running. I never really have been. Remember the Presidential Fitness Test in school? Yeah, that wasn’t really my thing. That mile we had to do… I walked it because I didn’t like sweating. I never really did sports, unless you count one season of flag football in 6th grade (yes, you can be a feminist at age 11), and one year of show choir (that’s physical activity, right?). So, a few years ago, when I decided to give the Couch to 5K program a try you could say I was less than enthused, but still amazingly, defying all odds, motivated.

Somehow that early interval training (I can say that now, because, you now, I’m a “runner” and all…) turned into running a different 5K every month for a 12 months, which turned into logging 3 miles every day for a month (and, can I just tell you, that was a really cold April around here...ice + me running = giggles for anyone who happened to be watching), which turned into conquering a 10K (over six miles, which kind of blew my mind), and, this October, a half marathon (that’s right, over 13 flipping miles). I’m not bragging, I promise (you would know this if you could see me “run”), and I certainly didn’t do it all overnight (it’s been about 3 years so far). I’m kind of astounded and mostly surprised. Running hasn’t completely transformed my life; it hasn’t made me a runway model; it hasn’t always been a constant, either. I’ve messed up. I’ve taken breaks that were intended to only be a week off...which morphed into a couple of months off (stupid winter...and my hatred of treadmills and running inside)...

But I do it anyway because it makes me feel stronger. It provides time to focus on nothing or to let my mind process what’s happening in my life. I don’t feel winded going up and down stairs or hills. My digestion is better (who knew?!). Most importantly, I know that I can accomplish goals--even in realms that aren’t my forte.

So I’m going to keep setting goals.

What activities do you do that you don’t necessarily love, but that help you love yourself more? 

Things I Sometimes Need to Be Reminded Of

Things I sometimes need to be reminded of, and my guess is that you might too:

• It’s okay to start a book and not finish it. 
• The dishes really can wait. (Until they really can’t.)
• Live in the moment, but plan for the future.
• Put down your phone already. 
• Much of the time, the latest internet post isn’t as important as your time. 
• Accept praise.
• Accept failure.
• Dance. 
• Just because everyone feels this way at some point in their life, that doesn’t lessen the truth of your experience. 
• Embrace it all, but keep striving for more. 
• Practice patience with others. 
• Practice patience with yourself (this is harder than being patient with others).
• You don’t always have to be strong. 
• You don’t always have to have the answers.
• Keep your expectations high. It’s worth it. 
• Don’t forget sunscreen. You’ll regret it if you do. 
• Know your limits and embrace them. 
• It's okay to be wrong sometimes.
• Be careful about how/where/when you roll your eyes. 
• Compromise in various situations (it’s necessary), but don’t compromise to the point of losing sight of the big picture.
• In due time.
• Just go for a walk. 
• Comfortable shoes are worth it. 
• Simplify.
• Show appreciation for the little things, the big things, and the people that make them possible.
• Breathe.

I know I’m missing some (see “You don’t always have to have the answers” and "It's okay to be wrong sometimes"), so what are some of the things you say to yourself to help you step back and reflect?

Random Acts of Kindness vs. Required Acts of Kindness: My Take on Pyramid Schemes, Chain Letters, and “Please Repost” Requests

I love helping people. In fact, my whole working life has been devoted to helping others. I’m a librarian. That’s what we do. Need help? Great! Just ask! Have a question? Shoot! Hands full? I’ll grab that door for you! A few pennies short? Let me dig at the bottom of my purse; I’m sure I have a few coins jingling around in there that you can use! Need a little chocolate to de-stress your day? Come to my desk where chocolate awaits you! (And I don’t even eat chocolate myself--It is literally there just for you!) Then there are the kinds of things people ask you to do things that are pointless.  In those instances I am less likely to get excited about “helping.”

You want to know where chain mail, pass-it-on exponential office giving, and in-home party perpetuation goes to die (especially during December)? It comes to me. And then it dies. A swift, swift death. Maybe at other times of the year I’d be more likely to keep it going, pass it along, but I’m mildly positive that December equals Cara’s limit. Random acts of kindness? Love them! Required acts of “kindness.” I’m not a fan.

Here are some examples:

Makeup/jewelry/food storage/baked goods/cleaning supplies in-home parties (with strong encouragement to purchase crap you don’t need, have never wanted, will never use--Oh, and do you want to host your own party and then become a beauty consultant/jewelry representative/food storage consultant/direct sales person? No.)

Why I take issue with this: you are using your friends to profit. You invite them over and then guilt them into purchasing unnecessary, overpriced things that really aren’t all that unique. And then you further guilt them into throwing their own parties to guilt their network of friends into buying (you guessed it…) even more unnecessary, overpriced things. The worst is when it isn’t even associated with a real event like a baby or bridal shower--For some reason, I can swallow that a little easier than just having a come-spend-money party. And then there are the invitations from people you may or may not have seen in years, who just recently added you as a Facebook friend.

Sample Facebook conversation:

• Person A: Hi, Person B! So good to see you here on Facebook! Glad to see you are doing well!
• Person B (after having not had any real interaction with Person A for at least 10 years): Hi! Nice to hear from you! Yeah, things are going well--Busy as ever, but a good kind of busy! Take care! 
• Person A: Thanks! Things are going well here for me too. Actually, I’ll be having a party soon--you should come! I’ll invite you to the Facebook event! I’d love to see you there! 
• Person B: (Reads message, gets event invitation and doesn’t respond because she sees that it is an invite for a product party. Pukes a little in her mouth.)
• Person B: (Forgets about “party” invite and gets message from a stranger, the “representative” working with Person A for the party.)
• Representative: Hi Person B! I’m Representative, and I’ll be helping showcase (some products) at Person A’s party. I saw that you haven’t RSVPd to the Facebook invite and I was wondering if you’ll be able to make it next weekend! Person A would love to see you there! 
• Person B: (What the… Ugh. Reluctantly responds as politely as possible to Representative’s message whilst swallowing true feelings.) Hi, Representative, Unfortunately I won’t be able to attend. Best, Person B

Now, I don’t mind going to hang out with friends--people I actually interact with. Most of them know I’m not going to buy anything anyway. They know that I’m trying to live more simply, that I don’t cook enough to own more than 3 pots/pans, that I have to wear gluten-free/hypoallergenic makeup, that I’m picky about my jewelry, and that I don’t buy into that kind of theme party thing anyway. But I’ll go because I do my best to support my friends’ efforts, just not financially.

Gifting pyramids/chain letters

I despise these. Nothing gets me in less of a giving spirit than being solicited. I came to work the other day and found a small bag and piece of paper on my desk! Aww, so sweet! Someone left me a surprise! I looked to see who it was from. It was a pyramid/chain letter gifting thing. I get a gift and then have to surprise two coworkers with a gift. I did not ask for this gift and really don’t have time to find two more gifts to share. I already have four December family birthdays in addition to Christmas (with five siblings, plus cousins, aunts/uncles, nieces/nephews, friends, and boyfriend/boyfriend’s family). I can’t even keep all of that straight, let alone figure out who to surprise at work and then what to put in the bag of goodies to give them.

Please repost so this will reach eleventy-billion likes and someone’s someone else will do something pointless

No. Just no. These are scams and a waste of everyone’s time. I refuse to waste my own time by reposting it, and others’ time by asking them to do the same. No, I honestly don’t think whoever posted that picture on Facebook will donate five million dollars to charity if it gets 10,000 “likes.” Yes, I appreciate my family and friends. No, they don’t need me to post a paragraph or give another “like” on a stranger’s photo on Facebook to prove it.

Do you want help? To talk? Hey, five bucks to cover parking? Need a ride because your car is in the shop? No problem. I’m your gal! Want some help raising awareness about a real issue (Facebook is not necessarily always the best avenue to educate, just saying, but sometimes I guess it works)? Fine, I’ll do my best.

Want me to buy crap no one needs? Ask someone else.*

Do these kinds of things make anyone else feel extra grinch-y, especially at this time of the year? Share your experiences in the comments! I’d love to hear them!



*There are plenty of people who actually do enjoy this type of gathering. I acknowledge that, and am not trying to invalidate their feelings (doing my best to take a cue from Oprah, love her!). To those people, I say ENJOY! It takes all kinds! 

Blogger Envy

So. I recently found out that the founders and writers of two blogs I have faithfully read and adored for years are people that I have actually known and associated with at different points in my life.

Known and....disliked?

It's okay, guys. I knew both of them a long time ago and all parties involved parted ways cordially and with little thought of each other since. Plus, as Cara taught us in a recent post, it really is okay not to like everyone. As long as you still play nice, of course.

Anyway, when I found out that these blogs I read all the time were written by these two particular women, I was floored.

I don't know about the rest of y'all, but I read blogs a lot. Like all the time. And I read a ton of different types of blogs. Cooking and fashion and books and news and sports and travel and typography and photography and family and...everything (except politics. I don't do politics). Basically, if you are a decent writer and can make me laugh, then there is a good chance that I read your blog. I'm a bit of a blog stalker, too, so I don't personally know 90% of the people whose blogs I read.

Don't judge- you know you do it, too.

So, for those unknown 90%, I have to imagine what these people are like. Logically we may understand that people present a fairly limited picture of themselves online, but the longer I read someone's blog, I think the more I forget that fact. I start picturing these people as they present themselves in their blogging lives and, because we are mostly our best selves online, I get blogger envy.

These people are so awesome! These people are so talented! These people are so clever! The people are so beautiful, eloquent, well-dressed, good at parenting and can juggle, too!

Imagine my surprise, then, when I found out that two of the people that I have been idolizing for several years now are, in fact, people that, truth be told, I do not really care for in real life.

It shouldn't have been that big of a realization, but folks- IT WAS.

This is a mantra we hear over and over. Don't let others make you feel bad about yourself. I consider myself to be a person who is actually pretty comfortable with who I am, but even with that confidence, the envy manages to worm its way into my psyche, creeping in through this wonderful thing we call the internet. Thanks a lot, technology.

I try really hard to take all these wonderful blogs and bloggers for what they really are- pleasant snapshots and anecdotes of other people's imperfect lives. As one who loves writing on blogs myself, I know what a wonderful outlet they are. Sure, these people probably take better pictures than me and bake better cakes. They all do dozens of things better than I do, but there's a good chance there are a lot of things about them that, should we cross paths in the real world, I would not care for, and I certainly would not want to emulate myself.

Those two bloggers still create wonderful recipes and take beautiful pictures and are raising great kids and have very successful businesses. I still eagerly read every word they write. But. BUT! I no longer want to be just like them when I grow up. And that's okay.

The Power of Vulnerability

This TED talk went viral a little while ago, but I was thinking about it again the other day and thought I should share it in case you missed it. It's funny and beautiful and empowering - pretty much all of the things I love. Enjoy!

It's Okay to not Like Absolutely Everyone*

Growing up in a small town, everyone knows everyone. The people you know in daycare (before you even hit preschool) are the people you graduate with, and then you go off into the world for awhile. But before that, when you're growing up, your friends are those around you. When I was little there were a few rules regarding friends. I know there's a much longer list, but a couple that stand out now are:

• Everyone in your class gets a Valentine; everyone.
• If you were going to have a birthday party you had to invite all of the girls in your class (there was also that rule that you had to have your room clean in order to have anyone over, let alone have a party. Needless to say, I very rarely had friends over because my room was very rarely clean...if ever...)

I must have cleaned my room at least once in my childhood... 

As a kid, these rules were great and wonderfully inclusive, and I appreciate my parents having these types of rules. It's never fun to be left out, and it is so important to show kindness to all. Having worked as an educator in the public schools, I only appreciate this further. Having said that, now as an adult, I'm working on being okay with not having to like everyone.

Let me clarify. I like people. People are awesome. Everyone really does bring something special to this world, and I appreciate that. As I grow into myself, I have realized that I don't necessarily need to be everyone's best friend. In fact, I don't need to be everyone's acquaintance. There are some people whose personalities click and friendship comes easily. There are some whose personalities don't click but somehow the friendship still works. And there are some people who are just not meant to be friends, and that's okay.

It's okay to not like absolutely everyone you meet.*

In my life, both professionally and personally, I encounter a wide range of people. The older I get (and maybe this is the Matlock-and-Antiques-Roadshow-watching, I'm-too-old-for-this 80-year-old coming out in me) the more I find myself thinking “I don't think I'd like being friends with them.” Now, this thought isn't mean, or rude. It's just more self-aware. I am more conscious about bringing positive people into my life because it's the positive people who inspire me. It's the positive people who encourage me. It's the positive people who make me want to be a better person.

*Now, having said all of this, I hope you can read between the lines and know that just because I am aware that I don't necessarily like someone or want to be friends with someone it doesn't mean I am promoting being mean, rude, or inconsiderate. Like I said before, I really do believe everyone brings something special to this world, and everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect. It's also important to remember to respect yourself by letting the right kinds of people into your life. I want to spend my time, which is really my most valuable resource, with people who are positive, and I want to be that person for others.

Is this something you've struggled with? How have you found your friendship balance?

Follow That Dream

 Has anyone ever seen that Elvis movie?  I haven't.  It's just in my DVD collection.  My husband likes it...

So I was watching "Boy Meets World" while my children napped (ah, relaxation!) and it's the episode where Eric becomes a weather man.  *SPOILER ALERT* Turns out he can either be a weather man or graduate from high school.  He talks about how it was always his dream to be a weather man.
I started to think about my dreams, what I always wanted in my life.  Here's my list:

-Graduate (high school and college)
-Get a good job that was fun
-Fall in love
-Get married
-Create a home
-Have children

Those were the big highlights.  Well, I'm 26, and I have accomplished all of my list.  Done, fin. So now what?  I feel a little silly, being an adult and trying to come up with new dreams.  What now?  I have the most wonderful husband (THANKS MEGAN!), 2 gorgeous children, a great home, a degree, and I turned down 2 different job offers in my chosen profession-HR, feel free to laugh and make funny faces, you wouldn't be the first.  Are you ever too old to dream?  Too old to come up with new goals?  I never imagined myself at this point.  I always thought that dreams were life long, that you had them, and they never ended.  But how exciting is this?!?  I have already accomplished so much, and now I can come up with a whole new set of goals. Goals are really just dreams written down, right?  I want to run a 5k, I want to grow a garden, I want to take my children to see magnificent places, I want to get old with my husband, and play with my grandkids, I want to go on a mission for my church, I want to do whatever I want!  Make your dreams monumental, you can do it!  Dream whatever you want, and then do it. Follow that dream :)

Why it's Awesome to be a Nerd - Wil Wheaton

"Being a nerd...it's not about what you love. It's about how you love it... It doesn't matter what it is. The way you love that and the way that you find other people who love it the way you do is what makes being a nerd awesome... Now listen, this is really important, I want you to be honest, honorable, kind, I want you to work hard, because everything worth doing is hard, and I want you to be awesome."

How To Be Lifelong Friends Based On Childhood Awkwardness

Megan: When I was four years old, I really, really wanted a friend who was a girl. I had four older brothers and a neighbor friend who was a boy, and I was just really sick of playing ninja turtles and GI Joe. It so happened that the house across the street was for sale, and I started praying with all of my little four-year-old heart that a little girl my age would move into that house. In what was the first miracle of my life, when a family did move in, they had a little blonde girl just my age, and we immediately decided, in the way that children do, to be best friends. And then, for some reason, we decided that this meant we should dress in matching clothes a LOT.

Melissa: Megan and I were fairly different as personalities went. I was a wild soul, my mom used to say my spirit was too big for my body. Megan proved to be a calming factor in my life, she balanced me out pretty well, and I probably did the same. She was the youngest child, with four older brothers in a family who was pretty established. My parents were relative newlyweds with three very young children.

Megan: Because my brothers were between 8 and 14 years older than me, it was like I was an only child sometimes - except that my wonderful brothers were all teenagers who occasionally got a little impatient with a couple of little girls bugging them. I think once we accidentally killed my brother's lizard, and another time a different brother tied Melissa up with duct tape and hung her upside down because she was being annoying (which she thought was hilarious until the duct tape ripped all of her arm hair off - then she went home crying to her mom.)

Melissa: Megan and I were quite the pair. We recall frequently one of our not so finer moments when we dug up a giant hole in her parents lawn to make alligator soup. We also tried to invent mosquito repellent using sugar and water. Not sure why that didn't work. My mom loves to tell the story of when Megan’s mom Judy called her up to congratulate her on becoming pregnant with my sister. My mom hadn't told a soul she was pregnant, she was only a few weeks along, but Megan and I had noticed she was acting weird. The only possible explanation was that she was going to have a baby, so I marched over with Megan to Bert and Judy’s to ask if they would mind taking me trick or treating that year since my mom would probably have a newborn by then. She did have a newborn, and they did take me trick or treating.

Doing "The Monster Mash" in ballet class

Megan: I don't remember that Halloween, but I do remember Melissa's mom showing us her pregnant belly (as the youngest child in my family I'm pretty sure this was my first close encounter with pregnancy). I had my first bee sting in Melissa's back yard (I think I was trying to get rid of it and I caught it with my hand, which I probably couldn't do again if I tried.) I'm also pretty sure that the alligator soup was some kind of witch potion that we were going to feed to (imagined) unsuspecting children.

We just "happened" to dress alike.

Melissa: Not only did we share an affinity for hideous fashion, (okay, that was our mothers) we also bonded over tree climbing, trampoline jumping, make believing, and common toys. We went through phases that basically started with Mattel and ended with American Girl dolls.

Megan: Plus we were always acting out anything we could think of. I remember using my blankets to play Batman and Robin (on the trampoline, of course, so we could fly), making up our own story lines for the characters in all Disney movies (Melissa was a really good sport about being the male characters more than her share), Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, Star Wars, and I'm pretty sure there was a phase when we were Fairy Princess Kitties, because we couldn't decide what we wanted to play.

What's funny about pictures of us from this time is that they start out pretty cute. I mean, when we met, we were four. But then our teeth fell out and grew back in all big, we both got awful 90s glasses and had ridiculous bangs, we started wearing jeans with zippers that were like 18 inches long. The years between about 8 and 15 are just rough, people.

Melissa:I'd like to emphasize the fact that we lived right across from each other, in a very small cul de sac. We were constantly running back and forth. In those days, the biggest problems in our lives were whose house we would meet and what we would play. I don't recall many instances where we would call and make arrangements to play, rather we seemed to be such an important part of each others lives that we were constant fixtures at one another's homes.

Megan: When we were 9, Melissa's family moved to another city. We were devastated. I remember sitting on my mom's lap for what felt like hours, holding my favorite doll and bawling.

Melissa: Moving was the most devastating thing that ever happened to me. It still brings tears to my

27 year old eyes, remembering the day I drove away from Megan. I sobbed the whole 45 minute drive

away from Bountiful. Even at 9 years old, I knew things would never be the same. Our parents were

always good to let us make long distance phone calls, and make the drive from Bountiful to Pleasant View (or vice versa) in order for us to continue to have our stylish and coordinated sleepovers. Over the next two or three years, the phone calls became less frequent, sleep overs were few and far between, I think there was a letter or two in there somewhere, but as we grew up we grew apart.

We were trying to be really cool.

Megan: We kept in touch, but eventually, we had our own lives and our own friends and just didn't make the time to see each other as often. I think we had a double date with our high school boyfriends to watch Psycho, and then I just didn't see her again until her bridal shower.

Melissa: Enter Facebook, and blogs. Of course we had to add each other. You can’t spend the

ugliest years of your life with someone who loves you and not be eternally endeared to them. We

reconnected. Melissa Marsden became Melissa Turney, Megan was there with her parents. Megan Winegar became Megan Long, unfortunately I was out of state, but my parents were there. We have been able to continue to watch each other’s lives, and once again, we've become good friends, thanks to facebook and texting. Recently, Megan and her family were driving through Las Vegas and stayed with us over night. Once again, we found ourselves having a sleep over. We stayed up for longer than we probably should have, laughing ourselves silly with our daughters and husbands close by.

Megan: I think one of my favorite parts of this whole story is that somehow, we have ended up with a lot of the same interests. We watch the same TV shows, we recommend books to each other because we tend to like the same ones. We realized the other day that we inadvertently bought the same car seat for our daughters. I find her family completely delightful, as does my husband, who got a taste of playing zombie dollhouse with Melissa's oldest daughter. Putting my baby to sleep in Melissa's baby's crib gave me a tiny glimpse of the life we imagined as little girls, where we would live next door to each other and have daughters who would be best friends.

Melissa: This summer, my daughter will turn four years old. I can’t help but wondering if she will find a Megan. I hope so. I pray for it. Having Megan was one of the greatest blessings of my life. Even though we never lived close to each other again, and we are adults, we can still be found on occasion, chatting via texting or facebook laughing ourselves silly to jokes that would only be funny to us.

Megan: Because really, when you have this many ridiculous pictures together, you just have to stay friends forever. You can't risk the blackmail.

Have you ever had a best friend? We want to hear about it! Share with us in the comments!

Follow us on Instagram @becominglovelyblog to see the awkward photos that didn't make the post - and then share your awkward childhood photos with us! #tbt #awkwardandlovely

Confessions of a Pregnant Texter

So today my baby was taking an abnormally long time to put down for a nap and I found myself reading old text messages I sent to my husband while I was pregnant. I think when you're pregnant you are kind of living in this alternate universe where you think that you're rational and normal when in fact you are quite the opposite. But no one tells you that because they don't want to make you cry even more. Anyway, thought I'd share some of these precious gems, which in hindsight are all super ridiculous and I don't know how Josh put up with it for nine months! Enjoy!

Me: So my baby shower is postponed because my grandma's aunt died and that's when her funeral is and now I bet no one can come. Everyone gets parties but me!

Josh: Paige, people can't help when they die.

Me: Stupid Aunt Sue. I just want to open presents all day long!

Me: One of my co-workers just started eating some weird meat that's been in the fridge for two months and it just made me sick. And she eats louder and more aggressively than anyone I've ever seen, man or beast.

Me: One of my co-workers is eating a muffin that looks so good I think I'm going to leap across the table and snatch it out of her hands. Is it weird if I ask her for a bite?

Josh: Yes Paige, that's weird. Stop asking your co-workers for their food.

*Story time: One day one of my co-workers got chocolate covered strawberries delivered to her from her boyfriend. They were from Edible Arrangements, I'm sure they weren't cheap, and there weren't very many of them. Anyway she offered a strawberry to a girl sitting by me (they were close, and we were not) but crazy pregnant Paige turned around and stared at them until the girl said "Oh! Uh... Do you want a strawberry too?" And then crazy pregnant Paige was like, "Yes please, let me gobble down your birthday present!"*

Me: Josh my co-worker is eating some mystery food that I can't identify and it's making me throw up! I think if I knew what weird food it was I wouldn't be so grossed out. I'm going to try and find out.

Josh: Did you find out what it is yet?

Me: It smells like a spicy shepherd's pie

Josh: Is it?

Me: No, it's fettucini alfredo.

Me: (Picture message of my poop)

Josh: I don't think constipated pregnant ladies should be eating cracklin oat bran

Me: It smells like old tuna fish in here

Josh: Yummm

Me: Old expired tuna fish

Me: Do you think we should teach our baby sign language?

Josh: Why? Are you deaf?

We are teaching Cooper sign language so I won that battle!

Me: Josh I want to hire someone to make me muffins

Josh: How are you going to go about that?

Me: Can I just put an ad on craigslist?

Pregnant white female seeking one muffin maker

Bran muffins preferred

Blueberry muffins forbidden

Me: I think Cooper has fashioned a shiv during his time in confinement and is now using it to jab me in the ribs.

I am going to crawl up my own vaginal canal and put this baby in a straight jacket.

Me: I'm sleepy and I want a cinnamon bear.

And I want a hot dog. I want a hot dog and cinnamon bears.

Me: I smell like a wet washcloth

Me: Oh my gosh Josh I cannot watch this girl like feast on her cranberries. It's like a monkey foraging for fleas on other monkeys.

One day I sneezed and peed my pants at work...

Me: Josh!! I just had to take off my underwear in the bathroom cuz they're soaked! And now I have to work the rest of the day wearing just shorts and no undies!!

Josh: Are you serious?! Go home and change!

Me: No! I only have an hour left and I pretty much pee my pants all the time anyways! I'd have no vacation time left if I went home every time I peed my pants!

Josh: Oh Paige... Do you need me to bring you some underwear?

Josh packed me lunch every day and I guess some days I wasn't as grateful as I should have been...

Me: You said you packed me crackers and that was a dirty rotten lie.

Josh: Oh no! I'm so sorry!

Me: No crackers! And no pickles and no cheese! I just want to go home and cry!

Me: 1. I'm going to die if I don't get scrambled eggs. 2. I want a teardrop trailer!

Josh: We can look at trailers, that'd be fun

Me: What about my eggs????????

No answer

Me: !!!!!

Me: Someone is eating chick fil a and I want to body tackle them and take their chick fil a for my own.

Josh: Poor crazy baby.

Me: So I'm watching grey's anatomy and when I die during childbirth you should move in with your parents to help you with the baby and then when you get settled you can find a nice new wife ok? Just keep your hair trimmed and wear clothes that fit and you shouldn't have a problem.

Josh: Please stop watching medical dramas.

Me: I think I'm going to kill someone if I don't get a cookie in the next few minutes.

No answer

Me: Maybe one of my co workers has a cookie hidden in their desk and then I can create a diversion and search their things and eat their cookie?

Josh: Yeah?

Me: I feel like I can sense there is one near by.

No answer

Me: Found some old Easter candy in an old box of holiday decorations! Score!

Josh: Are you seriously hunting your office for candy?!

Me: Well not anymore.

Josh: Enjoy your spoils.

Me: (Picture message of a dark spot on our couch)

Me: Unfortunately I happened to sneeze while sitting on the couch in my underwear. You can guess the rest.

Me: Did you make a pizza at lunch? Is there any left over?

Josh: Two slices

Me: What kind is it?

Josh: Cheese

Me: Ok I eat it

Me: These are the smallest pieces of pizza I've ever seen!

Josh: Sorry baby

Me: Well I am deciding what to do. I was going to make a pizza but then some girl went to Culver's and I smelled her onion rings and then she gave the rest of her onion rings to this guy that eats a lot and he gets all her extra food and I'm pretty sure I can eat more than he can! So I don't know what to do.

Josh: What?? What are you talking about?? Are you talking about dinner?

Me: Yes dinner. But also that that girl never gives me her extra food.

Me: What'd you eat for lunch?

Me: I drank my diet coke and I've already fallen asleep at work twice.

Josh: Go buy another one at lunch

Me: I don't think that's going to help. I think I need a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart like that dying man on Downton Abbey.

Me: So every day I see this girl's pizza in the fridge and I think man I really want to eat a slice, she might not notice... And then I sit there and look at her pizza for a while. But I think my judgement might be slightly skewed, I should probably not eat her pizza right??

Josh: No pizza

Me: The baby has been scissor kicking my lady parts all day

Me: Everyone else got Rio for lunch and I'm sick of eating my sandwich every day and my feet are cold and I'm super pissed!

Josh: Baby I'm sorry. Let's make larger dinners so you can take them for lunch.

Me: I try to! But we always eat it all! And making dinners makes me really tired and swollen footed and I just want to cry!!

No answer

Me: Josh?

Josh: I'm so sorry baby, I can make dinners. Also what's the plan for tonight?

Me: Well we need to go to the store and get treats.

Me: Every time the baby gets hiccups it feels like my lady parts are in a popcorn popper.

You'd be crazy too if these were your feet!

Celebrate That.

Hello lovely readers! We've been on a hiatus, and I'm not announcing a grand return or anything, but I've been thinking about a post for a little while, and this seems like the most appropriate place to post it, so here it is!

A few months ago, I became a mother of the most adorable, happy, delightful little girl imaginable. I cannot say enough about how much I love her and motherhood and the relationship we are developing. It is incredible.

About a month ago, Miri posted this on facebook:

I loved it so much, because it spoke to so many of the things I've thought about since becoming a mother.

Everyone tells you that you always know all of the answers until you actually have a child. You look at other parents and you know exactly what they're doing wrong, and you know exactly how you would do it better. When you become a parent, you suddenly realize that no matter how much you've read about parenting, observed parenting, made firm vows that you will never do that as a parent, you can never have all of the answers - especially for someone else's child. I believe there are two reasons for this:

1) Of course, the first reason is that every child is different, because every child is born his or her own person with a unique personality.You can't even parent every one of your children the same way, so how on earth would you parent other people's children the same way?

2) The second reason is something that I didn't realize until I actually became a mother (although I suppose it should have been obvious) and that is that every mother is different and needs to do things differently. I have read a lot of parenting books, articles, blogs, and so forth, and the main conclusion I have come to is that there are lots of right ways to raise a child, and not all of them would work for me. And that's completely okay. I can be a good mother without doing things the same way as another mother, and we can both be doing a great job raising our babies.

My sister-in-law had a baby 11 days before I did. We compare notes constantly because we are both poking around in the dark and figuring out what works for us - and we have made a lot of very different decisions based on our very different daughters and our own very different personalities. Here are some of the ways our experience has been different so far:

• She had a relatively difficult pregnancy and delivery, including a long period of bed rest and an emergency C-section. I had a lot of nausea at the beginning, but I was able to be active through the end of my pregnancy and had a fairly quick delivery. Neither of us did things exactly the way we'd planned. We were both fine.
• She really wanted to breastfeed and had done a TON of research on it and then her milk didn't come in, so she had to supplement and eventually switch to formula completely. I wanted to breastfeed but didn't know that much about it, and then my baby was better at it than I was and is still breastfed at 7 months. (Another friend of mine wanted to breastfeed and then decided after about a month that it just wasn't working for her, so she gave it up and her baby happily switched to formula and slept better on it. This was also completely fine. My cousin is a helicopter pilot and just switched her baby to formula after two months of successful breastfeeding because there is no way for her to pump at her job. She was sad about it and is still working to find the right formula for her baby, but it will also work out. So many possibilities, so many mothers and babies.)
• She bought a co-sleeper and had her baby in her room with her until she turned about 6 months old. I put my baby in her own room from the day we got home from the hospital because otherwise I was panicked every time she sniffed and I would never have gotten any sleep. Both of our babies have been great night sleepers so far. We have decided this is due to their fathers' genes.
• Her baby fell asleep playing, swinging, and everywhere else. I had to work to get my baby to nap by the time she was 2 months old and had to do some sleep training at 4 months because I was afraid she would never nap again, but would be a cranky-pants after 11 o'clock am every day for the next year.
• She decided to start baby-led weaning at 4 months, because her baby was pretty much dying to feed herself and was desperate to try her parents' food. I waited until 6 months because my baby was content with breast milk until then, but went the more traditional route with purees (although I do occasionally let her much on a piece of broccoli or let her try what I'm eating.) I made the purees myself  instead of buying bottles because it was more economical for me, and because I thought it was fun. If it hadn't worked for me, I may have made some different decisions. Both babies loved their introductions to solid foods. Both mothers loved making food for them and introducing them to new tastes.
• At the moment, I have no plans to go back to work until my baby is older unless circumstances change. I love my chosen profession, but at the moment I am really enjoying being home with my baby, and that's what is working best for our family right now. She recently went back to work part time because her family needed it. Her baby does great with a nanny or her daddy three days a week.

These are just a few of the myriad differences between our parenting experiences - in just the past 7 months. And yet, over the course of those past few months I have felt so very close to her, because although in some ways our experiences and choices are different, we are going through the same beautiful thing at the same time. We are both learning to love a tiny person in a way that is different from any other kind of love we have ever experienced. Both of our lives have changed in ways we could not have predicted. Some days we feel like crying because we don't know how to cope with a new development, we feel lonely or hormonal, or we just wish that we could take a week off. Some days we feel like cheering because our babies are so sweet, are learning so much, and are filling our lives with so much joy. 

I feel so grateful for the bond I have developed with her. We talk, text or IM nearly every day, even though we live in different states. We share our triumphs and tragedies. We marvel at how different our babies are. We comfort each other. And that, ultimately, is what the shared experience of motherhood should be about. It's not a contest, it's not a test. We can learn so much from each other, and we can learn so much more if we leave judgment out of our interactions with each other. We do things differently because we are different and our babies are different, but we love our babies exactly the same. Let's celebrate that. 

A Pavlovian Philosophy of Sex

Our dear friend Krissie posted a truly lovely article on Facebook yesterday, and I want to share it with you. It's quite long, but it's definitely worth reading to the end. Occasional skimming is acceptable if you deem it necessary--the important thing is the message.

I've come to realize something profound that I don't know if I've ever heard anybody actually say.

It is not the impossibly air brushed females on magazine covers who are causing women to hold themselves against a standard of perfection. No, it's not that at all. Holy crap. Why am I just realizing this? Why doesn't anybody seem to realize this?

It is the men that stop and look at those magazines.

And that simple, repeated act is how we constantly, and never-endingly declare to women that they are not good enough, and will never be good enough.

We stop, and we look.

And women notice.

This post is written with a pleasant freshness and honesty that will probably make you want to give the writer a hug at various points throughout; and, like it promises in the introduction, it presents some compelling arguments that will maybe make you examine your own life a little bit.


There was one particular paragraph that resonated with me more than the rest (which is not to say that the rest did not resonate). Please, it says.

Please. Let's stop ogling the very things that are causing this tragic mind game. Let's stop walking by the never-ending porn that surrounds us with our jaws dangling so carelessly. Let's stop salivating every time Pavlov rings his freaking bell.

It is the last sentence of this paragraph that strikes me, and I believe it makes a vital point: That essentially, we as a society have learned that the most important thing in life is sex.


In our feelings about sex, just like Pavlov's dogs, we have allowed ourselves to be conditioned. Women let themselves believe that desirability is the ultimate indication of worth. Men let themselves be taught that they are nothing but sex machines. Our society says we need to be sexy, so we try to be sexy. Society says something will make us sexy, so we try that thing. We'll even try to learn to have more confidence--not so we can stop worrying about something stupid, but because we've heard that confident people are sexy. This thinking, I'm sad to say, is truly warped.


The fact is that sex is a biological function. Its purpose is the propagation of species; it is a necessary and practical part of existence on this planet. Why, then, have we commercialized it, set it on a pedestal, and become obsessed with it?


We stress endlessly about the way we look; we spend thousands of dollars on makeup and workout systems and gym memberships and Spanx and liposuction and plastic surgery and lingerie and hairstyles and clothes. We know perfectly well that none of it means anything, but we do it anyway. We know already that none of those things will make a person healthy, that they are purely about appearance. But we buy them anyway, because more than almost anything else, we want to be desirable. We "know" that looks don't matter; we "know" it's what's inside that counts. We tell ourselves that we know these things--but time after time, our actions say otherwise. 


This is why I'm glad to have read this article, and why I have posted it here for you all to read. It's time for us to stop conditioning ourselves, and let Pavlov go find something else to do. It's time for us to remember what's important, and--for once--to actually act on our knowledge. 


And finally, finally--it's time to start ignoring the bells.

Lesson Learned, Miki: Channel Your Inner Drama

Here's essay #9 by Miki Esplin. 


It's been almost 10 years since I came to the U.S. It feels like I have gone through many changes, trials, great happiness, and transformations in a very short time. I sometimes feel I am on a crazy ride and I need to get off for a bit so I don't get dizzy... Woo!


I was thinking about becoming lovely and for me, a wild, quite odd person who DOES NOT blend with the crowd, I feared my essay will be misunderstood. Which brings me to the lesson I have learned.


The fear of not being understood made me terrified and anxious communicating with people on deeper levels, human levels, bluntly-said levels. This fear made me try to talk and act in a way that I perceived to be "the right way."


Realizing I was acting out of fear, which is never a good thing, I went upon a learning journey to get to the root of the fear and yank it. What I learned is mostly awesome and somewhat sad but true.


When I am true to myself, respect my true core, and respect others' place in life, I am doing the right thing. With that said, being true and not always understood leads to the loss of "friends" or "loved ones."


Seeing life in a positive lovely way sometimes requires stepping in mud and having no one say, "Aw, you poor thing." The loneliness that comes with retrieving your real self is the "downside." The upside is that I have a true sense of who I am: complex, funny, silly, blunt, naive, loving to the point of puking, weird, unique and quite imaginative and dramatic.


Instead of letting that drama come out in my relationships, the drama is to be channeled into my art. Writing. Photography. Music.


The beautiful irony in that is that writing will lead to exposure of feelings and experiences that can make people, once again, not understand me. But the greatest lesson is that my truth and my art is ME.


Those who love me will stick with me, appreciate my sincere intentions and remember always that I love them in my odd, silly, sometimes overwhelming way.


I have released the need to be loved by everyone. How? I have learned that I love myself- and just like I would not give up on a person I love because they are not what I "decide" they should be, I have full confidence that I will not give up on myself, with all my weaknesses and oddness (which I now embrace).


Learning to have a positive outlook on yourself and others is a wonderful inner journey. As we know, we are our thoughts. Which is why repressing hard things can control me- so God gave me art!


I embrace imperfection- It's PERFECT and lovely and I love unconditionally. Peace.

Best Imitation of Myself

Sometimes I wonder about how other people see me. I feel like there are so many different versions of me out there in the world just floating around. There is shy, independent, baby sister me; emotional high school me; funny, stressed, happy college me; me on a Friday night or me on a Monday morning; me with my friends and family and me at work. All of those versions (and so many others) make up the whole, but sometimes it bothers me that most people will only ever see one version of me.

There will be people who only interact with me once or twice and maybe I'll be having a terrible, no good day and they'll see and remember that not so lovely version of me. There will be people that, regardless of how much time and effort we both make, will never experience a version of me that works for them (and vice versa). There will also be those select few who will get a chance to see the whole package...and they will still love me, even when dealing with crazy, over-bearing control freak me.

I think that, in the end, people will see what they want to see. All I can do is remember that everyone is dealing with their own doubts, moods, fears, troubles, etc. and try to be the best version of myself regardless of those things.

If I Had to Pick Just One...

"No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself."
- Virginia Woolf





*Although, I must say, sometimes it's fun to sparkle.