Giving Good Gifts

I am not very good at giving gifts.

I want to be. I like getting gifts, so I assume people like receiving them as well. From me, even. But I realize there's an occasion for which someone should receive a gift from me and I freeze.

What do they want? I think. How much can I spend on this? Should I make them something? When would I make them something? What would I make them? Why would I make them that when I don't know how to make that and never have made anything like that and it would probably be complete garbage? When will I get it to them . . .

You see where I'm going with this.

What's ridiculous about this is my mom is probably the best gift-giver in the entire world. (Although Lindsey is a pretty close second.) My mom is the kind of person that hears you mention off-hand that you've been thinking that maybe you'll start looking for a good biography of Abraham Lincoln to read, and months later she'll give you one for your birthday, and it will be perfect. (I use this example because this is precisely what happened to my husband on his birthday. I think he mentioned it once back in September, and she sent him Team of Rivals for his birthday in February.) She has a cubby in her room full of things that she saw for someone somewhere and just bought and saved it for the right occasion. (That's another problem I have. When I do find something I want to give to someone, I just want to give it to them, not save it for months. And then their birthday rolls around and I don't know what to get them.)

But the coolest thing to me about my mom's gift giving is that it doesn't stem from the fact that she loves to shop (although she does). When my mom gives me a gift, it's so clear to me that when I talk to her, she listens. She internalizes what I say, stores it away, and then she uses her secret ninja knowledge to buy me the perfect present months later. She gives me things that I want, but she knows what I want because what I want is important to her. Because she loves me.

The gifts are not important. The love is important. And when you really care about someone, and you make an effort to listen to what they need, you will know how to give them what they need from you - whether that's the perfect birthday present, a note of encouragement, a listening ear, or a hug.

I may not be as good at figuring those things out as my mom is, but I've got a great example and a lifetime to practice.

“The earth is what we all have in common.”

Happy Earth Day, lovely readers! 

Don't feel bad if you didn't get to do anything awesome like plant a tree or recycle your car; every day is Earth Day, and every day is your new chance! There are a million trillion ways to start taking care of the environment, and some of them are easy. (Some others aren't, it's true--but losing natural resources because we didn't take care of them isn't any easier! Just think of it that way. :) )

I didn't get to do anything epic today, either, but I did see a woman at the Barnes and Noble Starbucks getting her coffee in a mug she brought from home, and that made me pretty happy. All I did was my usual--skipping the plastic bag when I stopped at Target, picking up a little trash here and there, and putting a cardboard box in the recycle bin instead of the trash. 

Here are some great lists of really simple ways to do your part:

• http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/home/green-living/ways-to-go-green
• http://www.bhg.com/home-improvement/remodeling/eco-friendly/easy-ways-to-go-green/
• http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/just-dreaming/article.aspx?cp-documentid=8318407

Do Not Even the Publicans the Same?

From the lovely Molly at Smart, Pretty, and Awkward:


How to be (less) Awkward: It is more or less implied you are proud of someone you love when they have a success in their life. “I am so proud you got straight A’s,” “Great job landing that design internship,” etc. But it much more powerful to say, outloud, that you are proud of people even when they are not having classically defined successes. “I am proud of you for getting out that harmful relationship,” “I am proud of you for sticking through that tough time at work,” etc. When you love someone remind them often and frequently that you are proud of them for all the things they do — all of the things.

Lesson Learned, Whitney: Be Someone Else's Biggest Fan

Here's essay #8 by the lovely and brilliant Whitney Roberts Ehle.

As a teenager, I remember several older people at church who would ask me about all the details of my life: my favorite school subjects, crushes on boys, my life goals, etc. These mentors would also tell me that I could take my talents and interests and use them to reach my goals. Their confidence made feel confident that I would be a Broadway singer, a heart surgeon, a famous novelist. I invited my mentors to my high school plays, and they came. After I sang a solo in church, they always made sure to tell me how well I had sung. They encouraged me in my desire to live a Christ-like life by praising me for the good decisions I made. Above all, their interest in my life made me feel insanely fascinating and exciting. I felt good about myself and my abilities when I was with them.

When I left for college, I found myself living in an apartment with six other girls who were all amazingly talented, intelligent, and beautiful. I loved my roommates dearly, and we were really good friends. But I found myself feeling mediocre. My ability to sing or play the piano was no longer anything out of the ordinary. After all, every Mormon girl can sing and play the piano, right? For a long time, I tried to do anything that would bring me the praise and confidence boosts I missed receiving from my high school mentors.

One day when I was singing slightly louder in church, so that the person sitting next to me would compliment me, I realized how ridiculous I was being. Yes, I was being plain ridiculous! The girl sitting next to me had a beautiful voice, and she probably liked it when others told her. After the song was over, I told her that her voice was beautiful, and I learned that I didn’t need to begrudge others the compliments that were their due. Rather than diminish my self-worth by complimenting my neighbor, I had actually increased my confidence. No, I didn’t necessarily feel more capable of conquering the world with song, but I felt more confident in my ability to love.

Conversationalizing

I loved these entries from Smart, Pretty, and Awkward; they're from different days, but they're all about being kind and helping people to feel comfortable and included.

 How to be (less) Awkward: In a group conversation, never let anyone become an island. Always be working to make sure everyone feels connected, involved and included  in the conversation.


How to be (less) Awkward: One of the quickest ways to draw others out of their shell is to ask about people important to them in their life. When someone asks me what’s new, and I’m feeling shy, I usually just say “oh you know–same old!” But if someone asks me what’s new in my best friend’s life, or how my sister likes college, or if my roommate has gotten a dog yet–I go on and on. When I feel shy, I find it is so much easier to talk about others rather than myself, and so I imagine others feel the same way.


How to be Smarter: Focus on being interested in others, rather than being interesting to others. By being interested, you instantly become interesting.


I think one of the biggest mistakes we all make is assuming that other people are more than us--more relaxed, more popular, more interesting, more put-together, smarter, cooler... Whatever. But feeling insecure about ourselves can sometimes prevent us from reaching out toward others who may actually be feeling just as uncomfortable as we are.

Gives Me Hope

I feel like I've been posting a lot about websites lately, but I discovered one today that makes me really happy. It's called Gives Me Hope; people write in with Twitter-length entries about experiences that gave them hope, and some of them are incredibly sweet and inspiring. Since we've been talking about hope, I thought I'd share; these were a few of my favorites from what I saw today.


One day when I was younger I walked to the nearest 7-11, and saw a homeless man standing with a puppy.
A couple friends told me to not give him money cause he'd waste it on drugs/alcohol. But I gave him two dollars.
He walked into the store and came out with a can of dog food to feed his puppy. He even gave me back change; 2 quarters. 
That man GMH.

Comment on #68086 (0) Jun 11, 2010 12:00 AM by Lanna, Aurora,CO - Inspiring feats

One day I passed a woman walking two dogs.
One was missing a leg, but they were both limping. I asked what happened. 
She explained that the injured dog had lost his leg, and that the other dog was copying him so he wouldn't feel alone. 
Caring pets GMH
Comments on #67987 (0)Jun 10, 2010 09:00 PM by Mimblewimble, Frederick, MD - Random acts of kindness


For three years, I gave a dollar to this one homeless man everyday on my way home from work.

I hadn't seen him at his usual place in the past month.
Today, I called for a cab to take me to the airport. And that homeless man was now my taxi driver.

Comments on #67718 (1)

Jun 8, 2010 11:00 PM by San Jose, CA - Inspiring feats

When I was a freshman in high school we had a Spring Concert.

I got my period during the concert and it stained my light blue dress. 
The senior girls huddled around me on the way out for intermission, and rinsed and blow-dried my dress in the girls' room. 
Their compassion for a little geeky freshman GMH.

Comments on #62913 (4)

May 28, 2010 12:00 AM by Somerville, NJ - Amazing friends

When my brother was in kindergarden, he couldn't stop talking about how cool and funny his best friend Jeremy is.
When we met him, we saw he was in a wheelchair. On the way home we asked my brother why he never told us that Jeremy was in a wheelchair. 
He simply said, "Because it isn't important." 
My brother's acceptance GMH.
Comments on #61990 (3)May 26, 2010 02:00 PM by Hanna L, Toledo, OH - Inspiring feats

Ladies (and gentlemen)--almost every one of these made me cry. There are some really amazing stories on that site. 


What gives you hope? I'll tell you mine--websites like Gives Me Hope, and like this Facebook group based on a PostSecret. People caring for each other gives me hope. 

Operation Beautiful

Today I discovered Operation Beautiful.

A friend posted this picture on her Facebook profile, accompanied by a link to the website. I checked it out, and immediately wanted to share it with you. 

It looks like the premise of Operation Beautiful is that women go around leaving anonymous post-it notes with uplifting messages for other women to find--messages like these:

What a lovely idea! Check out the website (http://operationbeautiful.com/), and maybe do a little anonymous posting of your own where you live.

Compassion

I came across this article over at Kirtsy the other day and wanted to pass it along. It's about the U.S. under-17 girl's soccer team playing in the CONCACAF (Confederation of North, Central American and Caribbean Association Football). They were going to be playing against a team from Haiti shortly after the earthquake had occurred there. They realized they would be playing against girls who were devastated, emotionally and physically. Instead of strategizing and focusing on how to win, they went to work gathering supplies to give to the Haitian team when they met in Costa Rica. When the U.S. won their game against Haiti, they comforted the other team as they dealt with the overwhelming emotion of their situations.

Abby Wambach, who plays on the U.S. women's national team, wrote to the girls saying, "It is rare to have moments like that show up, but even more rare to actually do the right thing when they arise. It takes people who think outside of themselves to do what you all did. I believe it truly shows one's character. And to do it in the way you did was simply one of the most gracious things I've seen in a long time."

So, I admit, this article made me cry, but I am a cryer. Episodes of Little Bill on Nick Jr. make me cry. This story is touching. I know there are countless stories out there of people who were willing to spend their time and effort and money to help people in Haiti, as well as people in other parts of the world who are suffering, but it is refreshing and comforting to hear about teenagers who are working to help. Teenagers get all grouped together as being lazy or self-centered or spoiled or whatever, but there are those who are more concerned with the needs of others and who are stepping forward to show compassion and be an example to everyone. I love hearing about those teenagers. I especially love this story because these teenage girls didn't just decide to do this one day in school, they did it during a sports competition and they did it without the urging of any adult or outside influence.