The Open Closet Policy: After College Edition

One of my favorite things about college was having a whole bunch of roommates who were willing to let me borrow stuff. We used to trade clothes and shoes and music and all kinds of stuff, and because we lived in the same apartment, it was really easy to have a nice little community of sharing bliss. In one of my apartments we had an open closet policy where you were welcome to borrow your roommates' clothes if your closet just wasn't working for you - you just needed to wash it or stick it back in their hamper at the end of the day. "What's mine is yours as long as you don't steal my food without asking!" That was pretty much how I felt about most of my roommates. We took care of each other and let everyone borrow our stuff, because in a three bedroom apartment with six girls, there just wasn't enough room for everyone to have everything. It was easier to share when someone needed something, and assume you would be able to borrow stuff when you needed it.

After spending about 7 years in college living situations, I accumulated a lot of former roommates, as well as some good friends who lived across the hall or just upstairs. The real beauty of the social media world, for me, is that I still have some kind of contact with a lot of these people on a semi-regular basis, even if I wouldn't have made regular phone calls to them in another time. I generally know when they get married, get a doctorate, have a kid, land a job, etc. and they know the same kinds of stats about me.  It's nice to be able to keep tabs on people I like and respect, even if I don't call them to pour out my heart every day. (In fact, quite a few of those friends now write for this blog, and our authors live in 8 different states right now.)

But lately I've learned that one of the greatest perks of staying in touch with friends is that there's always someone who is willing to help. When I lived in Indiana, my friend Amanda was doing an epic cross country road trip on her own and needed a place to stay on her way from Ohio to whatever her next stop was. I offered her a couch and a tour of Bloomington's finest cuisine and prettiest places, and then on she went - and I realized that she was a GENIUS. Good company and a free place to stay? Who did I know who lived in an awesome place?

Now, whenever my husband and I go on road trips, it seems like I think of someone I know who lives there or is at least on the way there. For example, we've stayed at fellow blog author Melissa's house several times on our way to California or Arizona (including once about a week after we got married and were moving to Texas but wanted to stop and see my husband's Grandma on the way - she wasn't even home but left us a key). When we go to visit my husband's family in Texas, we almost always stop to see my former roommate Jennie in Albuquerque, either to stay the night or to just stop and stretch our legs and grab a bite. (Jennie is a really good cook. It's hard to turn her down when she offers.)

On our recent trip to San Francisco, we were offered a house to stay in that was totally unfurnished. As we tried to figure out how we would haul an air mattress and pack n' play in addition to our clothes, my husband's equipment, and a toddler, I realized that I had already made plans to visit a couple of friends who stayed in the area - and as it turned out, one let us borrow everything we needed for our little girl, and the other could lend us an air mattress, bedding and towels. We even stayed one night with one of these friends so that we didn't have to get up quite as early for our 6 am flight.

This is my little girl playing in the sand with my friends' little boys in Oakland, CA.

It doesn't stop with vacations either. When my little girl needed a nebulizer and we had terrible insurance, I asked via Facebook if anyone had one we could borrow and was offered THREE outright, plus had several offers of loaners until we could find something more permanent. When I asked for advice about childbirth classes, I received all kinds of helpful comments and messages, and one friend even loaned me the materials from a class she had taken. When I had a 14 month old in the hospital, I received so many offers of help, from people who simply messaged me to let me know we were in their prayers, to people who lived near the hospital who offered to bring us food or spare clothes so we could both stay at the hospital.

We always talk about how social media makes the world so much smaller, but I think one of the best things about that is the fact that it gives us more opportunities to take care of each other, no matter where we live. We can give and receive advice, offer prayers and support for things we wouldn't otherwise know about, share the joy of happy events, and in some cases, we can even physically take care of each other, offering places to stay, suggestions about things to do, supplies to make a trip easier, or even just good company. We can be there for each other no matter where we live.

So friends, thanks for taking care of me. I hope I get lots of chances to take care of you too. My closet is always open.

Self-Perception versus Reality

I came across this Dove ad campaign video and knew I needed to share it with the women in my life. So often we find ourselves fixated on the flaws we think we see; how can we open our eyes to the beauty we all possess? How do you turn looking in the mirror from a potentially negative experience into a positive experience?

(This post is in no way sponsored by Dove, just inspired by the positivity of their message.)

Not How it Happens in the Storybooks

I watched this wonderful episode of Sesame Street with Lana this morning, and it reminded me of our Post About Disney Princesses from back in March.

Here's what happens: Abby, Rosita, and a penguin are playing princess.  Paul Rudd plays a handsome prince. More specifically, he plays the handsome prince, the one from all the fairy tales. And he keeps showing up when the princesses are in trouble, determined to save them. 

But alas, our poor prince is foiled again and again; not by the evil schemes of a fairy tale villain, but--goodness gracious--by the resourcefulness of the very princesses he is trying to save! When Penguin gets stuck up on a balcony, he cries "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your long hair!" And then Abby points out that Penguin doesn't have any hair. While the prince stands there, flummoxed by his failure, Abby flies up and rescues the penguin herself. 

The scenario repeats when the penguin has lost her ice skate, and again when she has skated so enthusiastically that she's flung herself into a mailbox and gotten stuck. Each time the prince shows up, ready to save the day; and each time he discovers, to his chagrin, that the princesses are perfectly capable of saving themselves.

I've included the clip I found on YouTube (which I hope isn't violating any copyrights... but if YouTube hasn't had to take it down, then it should be okay, right?). It's about ten minutes long, and if nothing else, you should watch it for Paul Rudd's amazing performance.




As much as I adore Paul Rudd as a foppish, conceited young prince, I love the moral of the story even better: That girls can take care of themselves, and don't need to be rescued by princes every time something goes wrong. And I really love that at the end of the episode, they talk the prince into playing football with them. Yay for Sesame Street, and a lovely message for little princesses everywhere.

Guest Post: Brandon

Brandon is the founder of Notes on Parenting, a blog dedicated to giving parents important information about child development. It is also meant to bring up family life issues that we may not normally think about. Brandon is currently a student at Brigham Young University, majoring in Psychology with a minor in Family Life. He has been accepted for graduate studies in Human Development & Family Studies at the top schools around the nation. He and his wife have a beautiful (and teething) 9 month old daughter, who has done things all on her own time (i.e. she definitely doesn't fit what most of the development textbooks tell you!). Brandon's key interests include the transition to parenthood, the importance of fathers, and effective parenting.


How many times have you heard someone mention the impact of media on children? The most powerful video I've ever seen on the impact of media was created by Dove: Watch it here.

Seriously, after watching this video, all I can do is think, “I am raising my daughter with all of this around? How the heck do I protect her from all of this filth about what it takes to be a ‘real and beautiful’ woman?!”

But we can’t blame only outside influences--how many times do you yourself worry about how you look, or make comments about how you look in front of your children? Usually, what parents value, children begin to value as well; so if you are constantly worrying about those two extra pounds or your normal human body, children will begin to value a standard that may be unrealistic for their own bodies. Our bodies are sacred. Be careful what you do and say about your body around your children.

Additionally, everyday comments that we as parents make can influence our children's way of thinking about their bodies. For instance, which of the following approaches is better?

"Rachel! Stop watching TV all day. You'll get fat!"

-or-

"Rachel! Let's go for a bike ride together. It's a beautiful day!"

Both of these statements have the same intention--to get the child to stop watching TV and do something active--because the parent is worried about the child's exercise habits and health. However, the second example is much more effective on many levels. Instead of making the child worry about her looks and weight, the parent offers a better option for her daughter's time and body, while also spending time with the child. This is teaching by example. Be careful not to miss these small teaching moments! You can teach your children what real beauty is by letting them see your own priorities.

What do you have to say about this issue? How do you teach--or plan to teach--real beauty to your children?

Happiness Is...

Check out The Happiness Exhibit, sponsored by Lays. People send in photos of what happiness is to them, and they're posted on the website. I love the idea of a national happiness exhibit, even if it is sponsored by potato chips! I just saw the ad on Hulu and a Lovely Blog light bulb went off in my head.

To me, happiness is family and friends and seeing yourself become the person you want to be. It's hugs and smiles from babies, seeing children reading a book instead of watching TV, making or accomplishing something that was hard for you, eating a big dinner with all your family talking and laughing over each other, finding out that someone thought something nice about you, knowing that you've made someone's day a little better, feeling loved and supported when you're having a hard time.


We can't post pictures in the comments here, so just give us a verbal submission (or as many as you want!) instead.

What is happiness to you?

Media Moment: Tina Fey

I had a thought recently about how often we talk about the media and how it portrays women or how it tells us this or that about how or what we should be. It seems a little unfair to make such a huge generalization when there are people out there in the media that are showing us how to be strong, smart AND pretty and telling us that, not only is it okay, it's better.

So I thought and thought about how to approach this topic and, while trying to make a list of movies, TV shows, actresses, books, etc. that exemplify what I'm getting at, I found Tina Fey.

I kind of have a little crush on Tina Fey. I don't think I'm alone here...at least I hope I'm not alone here. It's more like I have respect for her and what she does. She's successful and funny and a hard-working mother. She's pretty, but in a normal person kind of way.

Tina Fey recently did a cover and article for Vogue. She talks a lot about fashion (because it's Vogue), but it's refreshingly normal and down-to-earth. She's not one of those supermodels who talk about how awkward and ugly they were when they were young - you don't want to groan and roll your eyes and refuse sympathy. She is incredibly easy to relate to because she is a normal woman. They even talk about her normalcy throughout the article - growing up with hand-me-downs, being curvy, being a mother. Instead of rambling on more (and further embarrassing myself with my newly confessed girl crush), here are a few quotes from the article:

A friend of [the interviewer's] recently said this: "Her existence is such a relief." By which she meant that women of a certain age who are cool, funny, and smart but who are by no means fabulous—who are in fact befuddled by much of what passes for fabulous these days—are relieved to see Fey celebrated as such. When I share this with Fey, she says in the most sincere tone imaginable, "That is such a lovely thing to say." She thinks it over for only a second. "I feel like I represent normalcy in some way. What are your choices today in entertainment? People either represent youth, power, or sexuality. And then there's me, carrying normalcy." Pause. "Me and Rachael Ray."

Tom Broecker (costume designer for SNL and 30 Rock) says, "She has subtly changed what women look like on a weird level: the acceptance of the dark-haired girl, the acceptance of the sexy librarian, the girl with the glasses who's smart but can be pretty."

And, funny enough, she talks about fashion magazines and their skinny campaign:

"People will say, 'Oh, fashion magazines are so bad, they're giving girls a negative message'—but we're also the fattest country in the world, so it's not like we're all looking at fashion magazines and not eating. Maybe it just starts a shame cycle: I'm never going to look like that model, so…Chicken McNuggets it is! And conversely, I don't look at models who are crazy skinny and think I want to look like that, because a lot of them are gigantic, with giant hands and feet. Also, my dad is an artist—a painter by hobby—and I constantly would see realistic nudes. Because we were raised around art and went to museums and the women I grew up around were curvy…there wasn't this value on skinny, skinny, skinny. Curvy was clearly meant to be the winner. I go up and down a few pounds with a relative amount of kindness to myself. And I have a daughter, and I don't want her to waste her time on all of that."


http://www.vogue.com/include/vogue/voguediaries/2010_March_Vogue_Cover_Girl_Tina_Fey/player.html