A Short Vacation

Okay, lovely readers, we are going to take a short break so we can spend the holidays with our families, open presents, wear ridiculous sweaters, eat insane amounts of delicious food, etc. We hope you do the same.

Merry Christmas!

A Holiday Plug For A New Blogject

I got an email from a friend of the blog asking for submissions from our Mormon readers for a new blog she is starting called Hopefully Mormon.

Here's an explanation straight from the source:

"I want to start a new blog. Its purpose is threefold: 1. To get good (interesting and inspirational) pro-Mormon content out on the internet for the benefit of those inside and outside the church; 2. To do it in a way that no one else is doing; and 3. To pull a broad range of people in, people whose needs aren't already being met by the prolific (and fantastic and witty) blogging that's already being done....

Our unifying theme is from Peter: To "be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope this is in you."

We'll borrow PostSecret's visual format--4-by-6 inch compositions that mix words, photos, drawings, etc.--but will focus instead on the quirky, lovely, aching, personal, inspiring, unforgettable reasons that all of you (parents, students, professionals, anarchists, artists) began and continue to make the LDS church part of your life."

The site will launch on January 1st but they are asking for submissions now. If you have a minute, put together a post card with a scripture or quote, a picture, or just a thought...any type of visual testimony you would like to contribute. It can be cheesy or serious or silly or sweet, just as long as it is you.

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I really love this idea and I'm so happy to be able to spread the word about it. I realize, of course, that not all of you Lovely Readers are Mormon. This isn't meant to be exclusive--please know that the creators of this blog would also love to have your perspective if you would like to share it. If you've had a positive experience with the LDS church or a member of it and you feel inclined to share, then please do! If you don't know anything about our faith and would like to know more about us on a more personal level, I think this will help in accomplishing that.


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Submissions can be sent to:

Hopefully Mormon
P.O. Box 970312
Orem, UT 84097

or email hopefullymormon at gmail dot com

God bless us, every one.

“Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.” — Charles Dickens

That middle one might be one of the hardest things a person can try to do, but if you can manage the other two, the third will come along eventually. Remember that everyone has problems, and you don't know what they are. If you assume that everyone is trying their hardest and doing their best, you'll find it a lot easier to accept them when they fail.

Be Brave

Continuing some themes we seem to have going this week, I want to talk about being brave.

I don't think of myself as a particularly courageous person. I don't even like calling strangers on the phone. I'm terrified of spiders, I have dreams about going blind at least once a month, and I still run up the stairs really fast when it's dark in the basement. I get lightheaded in job interviews, I have panic attacks driving in the snow, and I covered my eyes during most of The Grudge.

So during the last year and a half there was a long series of events that led to me moving to Indiana. Most of those events involved my plans for my life falling through or not being what I thought they would be, and nothing worked until I decided I had to go away to grad school (rather than completing a program online while working at the BYU library, as was my original plan).

I wasn't completely sure I wanted to move across the country. I was terrified, and it was even worse when I got there and had to put my dad on a plane the next morning. I wanted nothing more than to get in my car and drive back home. My dad even told me that if I didn't like it by the time the tuition reimbursement deadline came up, I could drop my classes and come home. (Yeah. It was that bad.)

Thankfully, I stuck it out past the first few days. As it turns out, moving to Indiana was exactly what I needed. I'd been in the same place for a long time, and although it was fun and safe and familiar, I was really stuck. I wasn't really all that happy with where my life was, no matter how much I loved my roommates and loved being able to go home for birthday parties on the weekends; now I'm really happy.

And I guess that's the point of all of this. Sometimes you get stuck, and then you either have to be happy being stuck or you have to do something you're afraid to do - get a new job, move to a new place, start a new relationship, climb a mountain, run away to London, (I moved to Indiana only after I'd done that one twice), change your major, buy a puppy - scary stuff like that. And don't decide not to do it just because you never have or because it will be scary. I'm beginning to realize that some of my best decisions have been the ones I was most afraid to make.

I'm posting this video because this song is one of those that I like to listen to when I'm afraid to do something. The title is roughly, "No, I regret nothing." Even if you don't understand it (two years of college French and I still don't catch all of it), I think the feeling comes through just fine.

http://www.youtube.com/v/0YkLq6J_6cA&hl=en_US&fs=1&%22

Worries

I've been trying to write this post for over a month, but it never comes out right. I struggle with the tone and the phrasing because I don't want anyone to think I am whining (I promise I am not). I don't want anyone to think that I am not happy with my current situation or that I resent anything about it. But, in the end, I usually conclude that those worries are really just part of this post . . . an extension of all my other worries.

Let me explain. I have been watching my nephews (ages 21 months and four years) since February. My sister works part-time and I know that my watching the boys helped her feel better about that decision. I have also had several other jobs watching children of various ages. It's strange to just jump into a situation where you have to take charge of children who have no idea who you are. It takes me a lot longer to adjust and it takes a lot more patience on my end (not something I feel like I have a lot of in the first place). But with my nephews, it is different. I have lived with them (or very close by) since the oldest was one year old. My sister and I are so much alike that they don't really treat us very differently. She's obviously the mama and the one they prefer (as it should be), but it's nice that I can provide a similar feeling of security and comfort when my sister is away. I love the relationship I have with the boys and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.


Having said that, this year has been hard. I'm good with children and I know what I'm doing. People would see me rocking the baby to sleep in the halls of church and say things like, "You'll be such a good mom! You already know how to do it!" and "It will happen for you." I would smile and nod and pretend like I appreciated hearing those things. I didn't. I wanted to scream.

There was a point where I was watching my nephews and a little girl who was six months old. She would scream whenever it was time for a nap. She would scream whenever I wasn't holding her. She was cute, but she was a screamer. I would hold her and Bug (my youngest nephew) would get jealous and I would have to hold him too. Some days we would sit on the couch and all three of the kids would fight over space on my lap. Some days they would all nap at once and I loved all three of them. Some days I would just cry right along with the screaming. I never knew what to expect (except the screaming). To top it all off, I decided to start potty training. I just got so tired of the diapers. I don't know what I was thinking, really, but eventually it worked and I had fewer things to worry about.

Thinking back on that now, the thing I remember most is just feeling crazy and hoping and praying that things would be different with my own children. I have very realistic views on motherhood. If this year has taught me anything, it has definitely wiped away any remaining naivete in that regard. I know it will be tough and I know I will continue to doubt myself and my abilities. But I also know now that it will be different with my own children simply because they will be mine. I know there will be more of those "oh you're so cute and cuddly why did I ever have any worries ever" kind of moments...those are the moments I'm so grateful to share with my nephews.


I guess my point is that I worry too much. I will always worry too much. That is not something that will change when I become a mother. In fact, I will worry more...but that is okay. I know it will be different because I will be doing what I chose to do. I will be living my life on purpose instead of living to get by. I will have these memories of my nephews and they will share them with me and we will have a bond that will never break. I'll tell my children stories about their cousins and how Bug used to love to dance and sing and squeeze me tight around the neck and Monkey used to wake me up with a kiss on the nose and a proclamation that "the sun is up!" I will secretly pray that my children will share qualities with their cousins and that one day I'll look at my own little boy and be reminded of Bug's sweet smile or Monkey's silly faces and not one bit of the stress, worry or craziness will come to mind.